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Monday, December 25, 2006
Merry Christmas
I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas this year celebrating the birth of our Savior- it the best birthday party of the year!
"A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death. God went for the jugular when He sent His own Son. He didn't deal with the problem as something remote and unimportant. In His Son, Jesus, He personally took on the human condition, entered the disordered mess of struggling humanity in order to set it right once and for all." Romans 8:2-3
Sunday, December 24, 2006
It's a Party
"It's a party!" These have been the words Eli has been exclaiming all day today. It started while we were eating Cherrios this morning. Why is it a party? Because we are celebrating Jesus' birthday.
I tried explaining to Eli who Santa Clause is and what he is all about. Eli was very uninterested, he cared little for the old guy in a red outfit with a crazy white beard.
But...Eli totally understands and cares about birthdays. Eli's favorite book right now is
Curious George and the Birthday Surprise. We read it several times and day and often Eli will even read it to me- well from memory :)
Eli totally gets what birthdays are all about. He knows how great they are and that we get to eat cake and decorate and have a party. We do this several times a year as birthdays are regular annual events for everyone around us- for everyone ever born! So after failing to get the Santa idea across to Eli, I was not dissappointed. Instead Eli knows the true meaning of Christmas perhaps better than much of the world!
He knows it a party for Jesus celebrating His birth. He knows that the way we decorate for Jesus' birthday is with pretty lights and Christmas trees and figurines reenacting the night He was born. I also told Eli that Jesus is so nice that He shares His presents with everyone and that's why we all get gifts on Jesus' birthday. Another reason we get presents is because we are so happy that He was born that we want to celebrate and make those around us happy too- that is why we bless our friends and family with gifts on Jesus birthday. It's a lot like when Eli had his own birthday party- not only did Eli get gifts but he sent all of his friends home with gifts too (only we call them party favors). So on Jesus' birthday we get great party favors!
Eli is so excited about the big birthday party we are having tomorrow. He has not stopped talking about it. And each time we read Curious George I am able to reinforce the idea.
So Eli and I's first Christmas tradition that we are starting as a family is making a cake and cookies on Christmas Eve and then tomorrow on Christmas we will get to have cake for breakfast and sing happy birthday to Jesus- what a treat!
Ok...so it
is Christmas Eve right- and that means it's time for us to make our cake and cookies for the celebration tomorrow. Boy did we do more than just make cake and cookies- we made a huge mess and had a great time doing it!!! This was Eli's first time using a rolling pin and cookie cutters- he was all about it. He had to pick the perfect cookie cutter and the perfect spot for it on the dough each time. He also loved pushing the dough around- that was ton of fun.
But I think what was the most fun for him was playing with the flour. We had flour everywhere- he was a great helper! We had it on the wall, on the cabinets, on the floor, on our hair- well all over us really- and of course on the dough.
Eli, a boy after his daddy's heart, was taking fistfuls of the dough and eating it- a lot of it. (It's Christmas Eve we can eat a ton of cookie dough once a year- that's ok- it's all about having fun- that's what I had to remind myself!) But after Eli had eaten probably the equivalent of ten cookies worth of dough, it was time to redirect his attention and limit him a bit. I was partly successful.
I guess Eli was really hungry because what was his next delicacy of choice? Flour! Straight out of the bag on his tiny fingers and into his wide open mouth and all over his face and well everywhere else along the way! He loves to eat flour- who knew!
We had so much fun making the cookies and afterwards in the bathtub we got to make paper mache' from washing off all the flour that was covering Eli's body in the water. Then we read
Curious George and the Birthday Surprise and it was time for Eli to join Grover and Bigbird in his bed and drift off to dreamland. He is peacefully getting his zzzz's now as I write this.
Twas' the day before Christmas and all through the house not a creature is stirring...not even an Eli.
Merry Christmas.
Which leads beautifully to my next fit of discussion. It's far from theological but still worth commenting on. What is with the phrase 'Seasons Greetings'?!? When I was trying to order Christmas Cards this year there was only one card to choose from which said Merry Christmas and it was so cheesy that it was not an option. Most the other cards said 'Happy Holidays' or 'Seasons Greetings'. Sure that's sweet and all but come on...who ever walks around and says to people 'Seasons Greetings'! No one I've ever known! So why do we feel the need to say it on all our Christmas Cards!!!
This year I went hippy chic and used a simple card that said 'Peace' and had a twig on it- it was the best I could do amoung the pour choices of photo card options. I hope next year the industry is not quite as vague and can actually remember that the name of this season is Christmas and that Merry Christmas is an appropriate greeting for the seasons greetings!!!
Merry Christmas...it's a party!!!!
Friday, December 22, 2006
Cottage Cheese
I often get on kicks with the things I eat. I like predictability in my day and usually one of the ways that is best expressed for me is through my meals. Take breakfast for example- it is cereal every morning, it always has been this way and probably always will be. Sure I vary the cereal brand from time to time- but it's gotta be something I can pour milk all over and eat with a spoon.
I am similar with lunches, for months at I time I'll eat mostly the same meal for lunch every day. My lunch kick for the past few months has been mixing cottage cheese with strawberry jelly and grapes. It is so delicious and refreshing. I snack a lot through out the day so I usually don't eat a huge lunch. My bowl of cottage cheese is just right to tide me over.
I looked on the bottom of the cottage cheese carton as I was finishing it off and saw the date it expires is December 22. I found that interesting because December 22 is a significant day for me. Four years ago on this day AJ and I were married. That was such a beautiful special day four years ago, and now today- well... that is the date my cottage cheese expires. I don't know whether this realization made me want to cry more or laugh more.
I am thankful for the holidays and significant days that dot the years. I think of AJ everyday and I miss AJ everyday and I am thankful for His life and the life we shared together everyday. But there is so much, so much to miss and so much to be thankful for and so much to grieve. Having the significant days help guide this process.
AJ and I's anniversary will always be a significant day for me. But AJ and I always said through out the process of planning our rather large wedding that it is not so much about the day as it is about the life we are going to be starting together. This day just marks the beginning of that life- of living that life committed to each other and joining in the walk as one, as a team.
So today, December 22, is a special day that I will always have to hold onto as a day to sit and smile, sit and cry, sit and remember AJ and I's marriage and what a blessed love it was that we shared. It is a day to do more than just remember our wedding, and it was a beautiful wedding- but it is a day to remember the life we started together, the two roads that became one. Today is a day to smile extra big at the high honor and privilege I was given and entrusted with of being married to Andrew Jones Buffington, to celebrate getting to be his wife.
Last year this was quite possibly the hardest day of the year for me. It was so dark and so lonely and so sad. I remember feeling so so sad. But this year feels different. God has done an incredible grace work in me. I know I am different and have grown a lot through out this past year. I have really entered into those deep places of grief- those places that scared me and intimidated me, those places I was afraid to let myself go to because I was afraid to feel.
It took trust, it took trusting God with my heart and trusting Him to hold it as it broke. It took trusting Him to put it together again. It took faith that as He promises to lead us from glory to glory that He would do this with my heart and its restoration. It took time... it is still taking time. It will take time. I know it will get easier and praise God it has already begun to lighten, but this will be something I carry with me for the rest of my life. I might be walking again- but I'll always walk with a limp, I'll always carry my scars.
My scars are becoming testaments to God's faithfulness. They show His healing and His faithfulness. They are an echo to the wound that was once there but now is in the process of being healed and made whole again.
The scars are a trademark of redemption. We all bare these trademarks. This life is rough and we get wounded along the road. When we open these wounds up to the finger of God He can bring His healing touch. Sometimes the touch is not comforting at first. Sometimes it is hard and painful, like pouring alcohol into the wound to purge it from infection, but in the end this will lead to more complete healing, in the end it is the best way, it is what needs to be done.
Even if we ignore our scars they are still there. They are just getting calloused over. That does not mean they disappear, but that also does not mean the finger and love of God can not penetrate into them. He can remove the callouses and bring His healing to even the most hardened places of our hearts if we just let Him go there, if we share it with Him and trust Him to do it...to be good...to be faithful.
I was scared of this. I guess I was scared of God, scared of the Power and scared of being let down. But God has come despite my weak faith and taken this fear from me. His perfect love casts out all fear. His love is perfect enough to cover even our imperfect selves- fears and hearts included. He is enough.
These past two years have been a time of overcoming the fear and learning to begin feeling again, feeling the pain and feeling the finger of God. It has been covered in God's grace. This path has not always been easy, but it has been right and it has been God's best for me. It has been a time of soaking in the presence of God and letting His waves of healing wash over me, all of me. And to my doubting fearful weak heart He came boldly and uninhibited. He came subtly and gently and all the while assuring me,
'I am good and I am enough for you. Let me. Trust me.'So what is my anthem this day, this significant day shared with the date of when my cottage cheese expires? Great is thy faithfulness! Cottage Cheese might expire, our bodies might expire but God's love will never expire- it will never go bad, never run out and never spoil!
I am overcome today by God's faithfulness to me- His faithfulness to me throughout the past 2 years, despite loosing one of the best things I've ever had- AJ. I am amazed at His faithfulness to me today... to bring me here today, right now, for such a time as this. I am grateful to be walking with Him still. It is His grace that has brought me this far and I know His grace will lead me home. I am grateful that even though there were times that I tried to run...wanted to run- He never let me go and never let me down. I am grateful for all the ways He is injecting my life and my heart with His redemption.
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!!!!
For the past 24 hours I have had this song playing nearly ceaselessly, it is a beautiful song by Sara Groves (who is one of my favorite Christian artists, you should check out her site www.saragroves.com). This song has brought me to tears many times. I am overwhelmed at His faithfulness to me. I listen to this and wish it was a song I could have written, for these words say it all! They echo my heart beautifully. I will end with sharing this beautiful expression of words from a heart cushioned in the love of God.
Great is Thy Faithfulness
By Sara Groves
Morning by morning I wake up to find
The power and comfort of God's hand in mine
Season by season I watch Him amazed
In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways
All I have need of His hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me
I can't remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
I can't remember one single regret
In serving God only and trusting His hand
All I have need of His hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me
This is my anthem this is my song
The theme of the stories I've heard for so long
God has been faithful He will be again
His loving compassion it knows no end
All I have need of His hand will provide
He's always been faithful to me
He's always been faithful to me... I marvel in His faithfulness. In His faithfulness I can see His perfect sufficiency for me. In His faithfulness I wonder how I ever fail to trust Him. In His faithfulness I know no want and am completely satisfied. In His faithfulness is perfect peace and absolute rest.
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!
Lord, You are good. You are sufficient, and beyond that, You are abundant in Your supply. When You rain down it is not a lite sprinkle- You pour down in buckets Your goodness and mercy upon us Your children, Your beloved. Thank You Thank You THANK YOU!!!
I am so in love with You. Words are insufficient in describing how overwhelming Your love is. And to think, You have never wavered in Your love for me. Your love is just as faithful as You are. With joy and with pain, with life and with death, with laughter and with grief- Your love is constant and you are faithful through it all.
Your faithfulness assures me that I am safe in You. Your faithfulness assures me that I will never be lacking. Your faithfulness assures me that I have a reason to hope, that I have a glorious tomorrow and inheritance in You. Your faithfulness both excites me and quiets me.
Thank You Lord. Thank You Lord...
Great is Your faithfulness, Lord unto me!
Thursday, December 07, 2006
The Significance of 'Today'
"God's love is meteoric, his loyalty astronomic, his purpose titanic, his verdicts oceanic. Yet in his largeness nothing gets lost; not a man, not a mouse, slips through the cracks. How exquisite your love, O God! How eager we are to run under your wings, to eat our fill at the banquet you spread as you fill our tankards with Eden spring water. You're a fountain of cascading light, and you open our eyes to light." Psalm 36:5-9.
This is such an overwhelming thought. As I was reading today I was struck by these words deeply. I stopped and have spent much time trying to let these words sink into my heart. His love is much vaster than anything I can begin to conceive. But often it is hard to conceive that it is personal too, that He has a specific love for me, little simple me. These words in this Psalm confirm and declare that there is a vast love for each of us personally, that
nothing is too small or insignificant for God; not you, not me, not our lives, our dreams, our fears, or our desires- nothing is too little for Him.
His love is so huge and great that it covers all right down to the tiniest detail. How exquisite your love O God!
O How I am compelled by such a love. How I want to respond to this love with extravagant worship and extravagant surrender. I struggle with thinking that it can only be extravagant and pleasing to God if there is great sacrifice and extremes involved. For example, extravagant surrender would be giving up everything I have here and moving to some remote part of Africa to be a missionary in a village there. While, yes that is extravagant and pleasing to God- it is only pleasing if that is what you are called to do. It doesn't mean that this is what every Christian needs to do to please God.
We please God when we are in His will and are faithful with what is required of us.For most of us, myself included, that isn't quite as extreme- at least right now it is not. I wake up every morning and ask God to keep me in His will for today. I have to believe that if I am in God's will everyday and seek that each morning- that in the end I will have a life to show of being in His will and fulfilling His purpose for me.
It is easy to get overwhelmed by the big picture- to focus on doing something great to impact the world and the Kingdom of God, but I am seeing that even in the great works, they are accomplished by simple acts of obedience through time. Most of these daily tasks probably don't seem very significant taken for what they are but added together it is of great importance. What will lead to the big end picture?- the simple tasks of 'today.' The big picture will become clearer as we live by God's grace through each 'today.' One day at a time.
I believe it is important to have goals and dreams for the future, but the road to those ambitions is the road we are on now. Today is preparation for tomorrow. Today is all that is asked and required of us.
Being in God's will for each 'today' will be what will allow us to hear, "well done," when it is all over and we are standing before the throne of God. What a mighty day that is to look forward to.
So for today, it might seem insignificant, it might seem mundane, you might not see any fruit or feel any progress. Surrender. Trust God to keep you in His will.
Continue to seek Him and His will daily and let Him do the keeping leading work. I sometimes go to change a poopy diaper for the umpteenth time and feel like there must be more. Then I have to sigh and remind myself that even this is significant to God. It's not just washing feet, which I do each night too, but it's washing a little hiney. I am learning the essence of what it means to be a servant. This is one of the last and most important lessons Jesus taught us. So even in this God is using it to make me more like Christ, even in changing a poopy diaper there is redemption. That is quite a thing to remind myself!
I sometimes feel condemned that I don't have more to show for my life at the end of the day than a beautifully scribbled picture, clean toes, full bellies, another sesame street song stuck in my head, and a kiss on my cheek from my little man. But I know that these feelings are not from God. This is what I have been given, this is what is required of me. This is my task for 'today' and to do anything else would not be fulfilling the task at hand.
Sure there might not be much public admonition, there aren't many pats on the back, I don't win souls for the Kingdom everyday. But I am trying my best by the grace of God to be faithful with the precious soul entrusted to me- to pour all that I can into his heart and life and in doing so to affect the future by raising my son to be a man after God's own heart. This is the most important thing I could do with my life and time right now. This is such a privilege to have this task and life entrusted to me, and it is one I am so grateful for!
For some the task is going to work each day, it is being faithful with your job and to care for those you work with well- as best as you can. It might be crunching numbers at a bank or swiping barcodes at a check out counter, it might be answering phones at a desk, or sitting behind a computer doing whatever it is those people do who sit behind computers all day. Either way it is significant to God and He has a specific purpose for you in it, in every day.
Nothing is too small that it slips through the cracks with God. All that is asked of you is to be faithful in what you've been given.
Seek to be in His will. Ask Him for the grace you need to be faithful in what He's given you to do each day. Apart from Him you can do nothing. But He is right here offering all that you need. He is all that you need. Just go to Him and receive. You might not feel, you might not see- but go by faith and trust Him to provide and keep.
Abide. Remain in Him. He is your source and your strength.
The daily seeking-> the daily abiding->the daily fulfillment of His Will. This is sounding like a pep talk. I felt like this is what God gave me today as I was seeking Him. It was much needed. I needed to be reminded of His perspective. I do make Him proud. It is not by the world's standards that He judges. I do honor Him. I do not need anyone's approval or pat's on the back on this earth to honor Him or even to serve Him. I am not validated by what the world says of me, but by what God says of me. He calls me by name and He calls me His own. He keeps me and is making me into the woman He wants me to be and He calls me beautiful. I am His creation, made in His image.
I want to share this to encourage you as well. To remind you that with God there are no favorites, just one vast immeasurable extravagant love! He loves you, He knows you. He sees, He cares, He smiles the smile of a proud daddy....a very proud daddy. You are of greatest significance to God, every detail that makes you you- He cares about. Continue to run to Him in all honesty. Cast your cares, your fears, your hopes, your all onto Him- tell Him all about it. Be honest, be thorough. He'll listen and He'll surprise you with His love. Let Him surprise you. Go expecting to be surprised. Seek Him. Trust Him.
Go to Him for all, with your all, to be your all, He will cover all. "Open up before God, keep nothing back; he'll do whatever needs to be done: He'll validate your life in the clear light of day and stamp you with approval at high noon." Psalm 37:5-6
Smile... Laugh... Joy... Peace... Grace... Love: All abundance in Him alone.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Peterson on Prayer
"As a pastor I was charged with, among other things, teaching people to pray, helping them to give voice to the entire experience of being human, and to do it both honestly and thoroughly...The impulse to pray is deep within us, at the very center of our created being, and so practically anything will do to get us started- 'Help' and 'Thanks! are our basic prayers. But honesty and thoroughness don't come quite as spontaneously...Untutored, we tend to think that prayer is what good people do when they are doing their best. It is not. Inexperienced, we suppose that there must be an 'insider' language that must be acquired before God takes us seriously in our prayer. There is not. Prayer is elemental, not advanced, language. It is the means by which our language becomes honest, true, and personal in response to God. It is the means by which we get everything in our lives out in the open before God...I continue to want to do that, convinced that only as we develop raw honesty and detailed thoroughness in our praying do we become whole, truly human in Jesus Christ."
By: Eugene H. Peterson,
THE MESSAGE Remix, 2003, Pages 899-900.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Christmas Buffington Kids
"Nursing infants gurgle choruses about you; toddlers shout the songs that drown out enemy talk, and silence atheist babble." Psalm 8:2
This picture is a beautiful display of God's glory, His image is reflected in each of these children just as it is with all the children of the world, they're all precious in His sight.
