Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Constant One
God always provides. God's delays are not denials. He knows just what we need and when we need it. He is never early and never late. He might not always be safe and comfortable, but He is always good and His yoke is always easy.
I have written these words and things similar all throughout my blogs over the past two years. Sometimes they are written out of desperate faith, clinging with every last ounce left in me, believing but not seeing. Sometimes they are written in awe of a marvelous God who has proven faithful all through out history from ages past. Other times they have been written in response to a specific moment or event God ordained to show me a glimpse of His love for me, a glimpse of His character, of His faithfulness.
I marvel at my marvelous maker. I never cease to be amazed at how God has cared and provided for Eli and me through out these past two years. Even though there have definitely been moments when I felt like I had nothing and was lacking everything, I know that was never my reality. God has always been just as ever-present and ever-faithful as He was to Moses, as He was to Abraham, as He was to Paul and as He has promised to be to you and me. I see that now. I see that from where I am now, writing this tonight and pondering such things. He has never left me and never forsaken me and He never will! This He has promised to me(Deuteronomy 31:8).
This is not to say that my faith has reached its fullness, for it is surely still very weak. I surely still have my doubting moments- my moments when everyone else seems to be all blue skies and all I feel is rain. I am daily in need of much grace to provide the faith and strength I need. I must daily come to Him to fill me and give me the free gift of faith. I must abide in Him as much as I must abide in oxygen to sustain life. Physical and spiritual- oxygen and Jesus- all necessities of life.
I am grateful this faith-gift is so free. I am so thankful (and relieved) that I don't have to earn it. I never could live up to such a thing. Praise God for the finished work of Christ that has perfectly earned it for me. I am thankful that in Christ all the riches of heaven have been made available to me. He earned it for me. He will give me all the faith-riches of heaven if I just simply come to Him to receive it from Him. It is all Him, all Christ-based, all Christ-won, all Christ-earned, and all freely given and shared.
We do not need to muster up faith. We do not need to wait to come till we have 'the faith we need.' We will never come if we wait for that for we will never have the faith we need in and of ourselves because Christ has ALL the faith we need. All we need to do is respond to His call and come to Christ. Could it really be that simple? It is that simple. Jesus Christ. Simply Jesus Christ. He is all you need and will be your source. Come abide and let Him fill you.
What is it to abide in Christ? It is turning your thoughts and gaze upward and onto Christ. It is casting your cares upon Him (and leaving them there!!!) because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). It is trusting Him to keep you (1 Corinthians 1:8, Jude 1:24). It is a moment by moment coming, keeping, staying. It is effortless trusting, effortless keeping. It is fellowship, talking (praying) to Him and being still by waiting and listening. It is joy over a ray of sunshine, the scent of a flower or a fresh baked cookie turned upward in a thankful-kiss to Christ. It is peace that passes all understanding.
There is much to be said of the simple child-like faith God desires us to have and how that simple faith leads to greater abiding in Christ. You don't need to have it all figured out. You will never have it all figured out...but that is ok. One day soon enough we will all have all the answers, the funny thing is, then it probably won't even really matter.
I find it so interesting as I look back over the journey God has lead me on over the past two years, the times that seemed the darkest, the hours that seemed the greyest and loneliest are right beside the times when God's love and light has been the most tangible and real. God has come and filled me to overflowing each and every time my heart has been wanting.
The dark times have been numerous and hard but God has never left me through it all. He has been my Constant One. I could name any need be it small or great, significant or rather insignificant yet He has provided for them all. Often His providing is not in ways I expected or imagined or even hoped it would be. But it has ALWAYS been good and perfect and pleasing, as God's Will ALWAYS is (Romans 12:2).
There is no contesting the goodness of God's will. There is no arguing the sufficiency of God's Will to provide and satisfy. It is always perfect. It is not always what we want. It is ALWAYS what we need.
AJ and I prayed for Eli each night while he was in my womb. We prayed many of the usual prayers Christian parents pray for their children. But there was also a fun simple request we brought to God many nights. It was something we desired, something that was not necessary, but something we thought would be a fun added blessing to ask for. We prayed that Eli would enjoy roadtrips and would be good in the car; that he would enjoy car rides, especially long car rides.
God has gone out of His way to show me He has answered this desire of our hearts. Every time Eli and I have been on the road for lengths of time Eli has done great. The past two times we were in the car for 5 hours at a time, Eli proceeded to belly-laugh for two of those hours. Eli loves looking at the other cars on the road and listening to music. He kicks his feet and grabs his nearest toy to be his dancing partner. Eli finds great de-light (pun intended) in how the sunlight will come in the car at just the right angle making a great back drop for finger puppets on the nearest window. He makes up all kinds of great car games, the kind of games only a two year old could come up with like trying to catch his shadow or play tag with his 'muscles'!
I just have to sit back and laugh in wonder and awe of God, at His sense of humor to bless toddlers with such a sense of humor, to bless my toddler with such a sense of humor. I smile at the joy it must have given God to create Eli with a special love and appreciation for cars and car rides. I find delight in knowing it delighted God to answer this small desire of AJ and I's heart. I am thankful He answered it in a big obvious way. It has been a huge testament to me of His faithfulness and provision even in the small things, the things that don't seem so significant. He cares.
In a world rampant with sickness, heartache, disease and war there is so much of great importance for God to be burdened with, for God to be providing for and caring for. To think that even in the midst of that, of keeping each star in its proper place and calling it BY NAME (Psalm 147:4, Isaiah 40:26) to make sure it is right where it belongs, God can still be caring for me and calling me BY NAME and making sure I am right where I belong with all I needed, it is a humbling awe inspiring thought and reality.
God is so mighty, so huge and SO ABLE. Nothing is to difficult for Him. Nothing is too insignificant for Him. No one is too small for Him to take charge of and care for. He sees all knows all and longs to provide all and be our all. Abide in Him and let Him keep you and be all. Let His faithfulness surprise you. Let Him be your Constant One. He is a rock that will never and can never be moved or shaken.
Holdfast to Him as He holds fast to you. He will keep you there. All you must do is come. Come with whatever feeble faith you have. To come at all is faith. There, He will provide all you need. He has the keeping power. Trust Him to keep you- to provide all- including even the faith you need to trust Him to keep you and be all, to be sufficient. He will. He is. Faith comes from Him. He draws. He provides. He keeps. Let Him.
I pray often for God's love to be made tangible to me. God has been answering this prayer by leadng me with chords of human kindness and ties of human love (Hosea 11:4). In this way He has made His love so real to me and so tangible. He is faithful. He has never left me lacking. He has never denied me. He has always been sufficient to provide for EVERY need be it physical, spiritual or emotional- even often to my surprise. I am amazed at how Eli and I daily lack nothing. I am amazed at how constantly God is able to keep us and provide for us. I am amazed at His constancy, His unceasing care and love, His unwavering determination to never let us go- to never let us lack. He is so SO good........so good..........so God.
I have much more to learn. I need much more of Him. Every bit I get only makes me yearn for more.
But this I do know...God is good and Jesus is Lord. Everything else lies pale in the light of that intricately simple truth. The truth of my Constant One. Thank you God for being my Constant One in an unreliable not so constant life and world. You are always my Constant One....ALWAYS MY CONSTANT ONE.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Theodore Roosevelt vs. Eli Buffington
There is so much to say and so much to write about!!! I haven't written in so long, not for lack of inspiration of things to write about, but instead for the opposite- there has been too much to write about. Not knowing where to begin, I unfortunately simply haven't written. For now I'll share this small nugget. It seems to be just right for the moment...
Eli is doing an impression of Theodore Roosevelt. Catch the resemblance?
