Friday, July 21, 2006
Something Missing
I remember I put on my socks,
I remember I put on my shoes.
I remember I put on my tie
That was painted
In beautiful purples and blues.
I remember I put on my coat,
To look perfectly grand at the dance,
Yet I feel there is something
I may have forgot -
What is it? What is it?...
(BY: Shel Silverstein,
A Light In the Attic, Something Missing)
Shirt and Shoes Required.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Bread of Life
These words pierced my heart today by the spirit of God:
Psalm 10:14, "I dare to believe that the luckless will get lucky someday in you. You won't let them down: orphans won't be orphans forever." (Message)
Psalm 10:17-18, "The victim's faint pulse picks up; the hearts of the hopeless pump red blood as you put your ear to their lips. Orphans get parents, the homeless get homes. The reign of terror is over, the rule of the gang lords is ended." (Message)
Psalm 13:5-6, "I've thrown myself headlong into your arms-I'm celebrating your rescue. I'm singing at the top of my lungs, I'm so full of answered prayers." (Message)
Psalm 13:5-6, "But I will trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the Lord because he has been so good to me." (NLT)
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Happy Birthday Eli!!!
Eli turned two today, we have officially embarked into the terrific two's stage- and I believe it will be terrific! We kicked off the new age with a bang. Eli had a wonderful day today. I tried my best to incorporate all of his favorite things.
The day started off by going to church. Eli loves to go to church and really gets into the routine of things that happen each week. He always talks about the cross- the one hanging in the church and the gold one they process with. (Eli talks about crosses so much that he even calls the letter 'T' a cross. Sometimes he just points to the cross and says Jesus- wow!!!) I am so grateful God has given Eli such a receptive heart to the things of His Kingdom. I pray this only continues as he grows. May He give me the wisdom I need to foster this and be faithful with all I've been given. I have been given so much!
After church Eli got to watch his favorite show, Sesame Street, with Mia- one of his favorite people in the whole world. Eli had already played so hard by this point that he walked into his room and said, "night night, crib?" asking to go to sleep in his crib.
During Eli's nap I got very busy. I filled about 100 balloons with air and put them all over our loft. Balloons are Eli's absolute favorite thing right now. He talks about them from the moment he wakes up in the morning and then kisses them goodnight each evening before bed. So I figured this year balloons would be the best birthday gift he could receive.
My sister helped me with the task. We succeeded in covering every piece of carpet in the loft with a balloon. It was a dreamland for Eli. As he walked up the stairs and was just cresting the top he exclaimed, "ooooh balloooon!" He was a bit overwhelmed, in a good way. He just stood there and stared at them all, not really knowing quite where to begin.
It wasn't long before he was batting them up into the air and catching them, kicking them, and squeezing them ever so gently. He even affectionately kissed a few. I was so excited that he was blessed by all the balloons. It is definitely a memorable birthday- even if he'll only remember it by all the pictures and this blog I'm writing now to archive this extra special day.
We had all of Eli's favorite foods for dinner on a special plate Eli and I made on his first birthday. Our menu included: Meatloaf, mac-n-cheese, and green beans. For dessert we ate ice cream and funfetti cupcakes. Eli dove right into the cupcake with out any hands, face first. I am not sure if this is because he was so excited to eat it and figured this was the fastest most efficient way to consume the cupcake or if it was the fact that he hates to have messy fingers so by this method he was ensured of mess-free consumption? It might have even been the sheer fact that each time he took a bite we laughed and cheered him on so he knew his chosen eating methods were the hit of the evenings entertainment!
I slipped Eli's medicine into his ice cream. A spoonful of sugar always helps the medicine go down! Eli was making muscles, clinching his fists tightly and raising them into the air each time he took a bight of his ice cream. Then he'd proceed to shout, "Buffington!" He truly is a Buffington through and through- he's strong and has a great affection for ice cream- two definite 'Buffington' qualities.
After laughing till his sides hurt it was time to kiss the balloons, well a few at least, night night. We read some stories, sang our song and turned out the lights. It was all quiet awfully fast. And just like that Eli's 2nd birthday was over. A celebration to be written down in the history books. Eli was definitely celebrated royally today- which was exactly the goal and point of our day. It was so wonderful.
I am so thankful Eli enjoyed his day so thoroughly yet it is somewhat amazing to me how hard holidays and celebrations still are even though we are nearly 2 years away from the accident. As I prayed for our meal tonight and thanked God for two wonderful years with Eli I wanted to burst into tears. Partly it was emotional because I am so grateful for Eli and for the two years we've already gotten to share together. Partly because AJ has missed most of these two years and was missing that moment right then.
AJ would have been so proud of Eli sitting so strikingly handsome in his chair up at the table. And he'd have been really excited about his cool new shoes he was wearing that matched his orange shorts- yup, he'd have liked his shoes a lot.
I was filling all the balloons with air and praying that all of this work I was doing would bless Eli on his birthday. I was thinking how awesome AJ would have thought this idea was and how he would have, should have- been right there with me, helping me fill all these balloons for Eli. It was nice, I guess, to have the time to pray and reflect- but hard. The hole AJ leaves is so huge and for some reason it just seems so much bigger and emptier on holidays and celebrations.
What a celebration it was for us two years ago this day. It was the best day of our lives, a moment I will forever be grateful that we were able to share together. But sometimes just to look at Eli breaks my heart because I know what he has lost- the incredible father he had. I see his need and often weep for him as I pray over him, begging God to supply all of his needs. It is an odd thing a widow feels, a helpless desperate trust. A feeling Andrew Murray, one of my favorite authors describes beautifully. These words have been the source of much encouragement to me.
In pages 234-239 of his book, Raising Children For Christ, he writes:
"Weep not, widowed mother, as you look at your little ones, and your heart almost breaks at the thought of their being fatherless. Weep not, but come, follow me, as we seek Him who has been anointed to comfort all that mourn (Isaiah 61:2).....All the other parents whose children Jesus blessed came and asked for help, but He speaks to the widow of Nain without being asked. Her widowhood is her sufficient plea: 'When the Lord saw her, He had compassion on her, and said unto her, Weep not.'.....
He never speaks without doing. He gives what can dry the tears. If Jesus were to take the place of the father for these children, you would smile and sing even through the tears. If, as a living reality, Jesus would undertake the responsibility of educating your children, of being your advisor, your strength, and your assurance of success in your work, would this be enough to keep back the tears? And this is just what He comes to do. God spoke in the Old Testament, 'Leave thy fatherless children...and let thy widows trust in me;' and 'The Lord relieveth the fatherless and the widow.' Jesus comes in human tenderness, in the nearness of the Holy Spirit, to fulfill these words.....
Of a widow He asks but one thing- 'Let thy widows trust in Me (Jeremiah 49:11). This was what He claimed from the widow of Nain; this is what He asks of you. Trust Jesus! Trust Him for yourself. Let each thought of your departed loved one lead you to say, I have Jesus with me- I will trust Him. Let your awareness of sin and shortcomings awaken the prayer within you,'Jesus! I will trust you to make me what I should be.'
Trust Him with your children, with their temporal and their eternal needs. Only remember the life of trust requires a life of undivided, simple childlike surrender. Really trust Him and in every prayer make this your main confession: I have now entrusted my need to Him, I trust Him with it. I am confident, He is mighty and faithful to keep that which I have committed unto Him." (Murray 234-239)
Oh that I truly had the faith to live and breathe the truth of these words. Friends please continue to pray for Eli and me. Pray that we would have the faith for the task at hand. Pray that we would continue to trust Him and never waiver in our stance. Pray that Eli would have all that he needs. He is well provided for physically- thanks be to God- especially pray that spiritually and emotionally he would continue to have all that he needs.
Pray that I would have the grace and wisdom to be the best mom I can be for Eli and to trust God with the rest, knowing I was only created and equipped to be his momma. May I find the rest and peace I need in trusting Him. May the truth that He is fathering Eli bring me tears of joy and put a spring in my step.
Praise God we don't have to go through this alone. Praise God for His body, so beautifully knit together, able to uphold parts wounded and weak. Praise God for such a wonderful family we are surrounded with that love us and support us. Praise God for His healing grace continually flowing in and all around us- may this never cease!
And yes, praise God for two wonderful years with my son Eli. There were moments when he was in the hospital that I wasn't sure whether this day would ever come at all or whether he would have the emotional ability to enjoy it. As I watch Eli laugh- alive, well and thriving I can't help but be overwhelmed with thanks, wonder and awe at the merciful healing power of God shown to me in Eli's life. He is my miracle, my expression of grace.
So yes, thank you God for two wonderful years with Eli. Today is a miracle. Everyday is a miracle. Eli is a miracle. This is why I boldly declare: God is good and Jesus is Lord. All blessing, glory, honor and power be Yours Jesus- forever and ever! Halleluia and Amen!!!!!
Friday, July 14, 2006
Dirty mouth
I am sure we all can remember our moms or grade school teachers making the awful threat to make us eat soap when we said something inappropriate. I used to take it very literally, sitting in silence, fearing the white bar and the idea of digesting such an object.
With Eli there has not ever been a need to make such a threat. But Fear Factor visited our bathroom yesterday evening. Eli discovered the dove bar for the first time. (Well, mostly because it was new and had never been there to be discovered in the first place.) I told him it was 'soap'.
Now there is a peculiar thing about Eli that must be noted before I go any further, he gets a kick out of the way words sound. I am not sure if it is the way I say them over and over that is funny or that God is answering my daily prayer of giving him a sense of humor- but either way many words, if said correctly with a certain influctuation and repeated enough times will send my kid into hysterics. The word soap was no exception to the rule. Often if the word gets him to laugh then an instant bond is made with the object the word is naming, again soap was no exception to the rule... Ok so you can probably guess where all this is going by now...
Eli was so excited about 'soap', proclaiming the word with much gusto, roaring as it echoed amidst the shower walls and slipped between his tiny fingers. Then, like an underwater sea-diver searching for sunken gold, he was fishing the soap up out of the water again all the while saying, "soap (giggle), sssoapp (laugh)...
The soap slipping and searching eventually began to get old and boring. What else could soap be useful for, he inquired? And then the lightbulb illuminated above his head. His eyes got wide and his mouth, even wider. He lifted the porcelain grace up to his lips and, yup that's right, took a chunk out of it faster than I could say, "Yucky no!" I figured this was definitely one of those lessons you had to let them learn themselves.
The point was made very clear and very quickly to Eli. Needless to say, he now has full comprehension of all soap is good for and NOT so useful. I don't think much more needs to be said about that. Although tonight in the bath we did share a good laugh over soap again and all was well, it was used as intended: as a slippery device made to search for under the water.
More than just soap is coming out of Eli's mouth these days. Eli is becoming such a big singer too- who knows where he gets that from?!? His two favorite songs are the ABC song and Twinkle Twinkle little star and the best part is- they are exactly the same tune. That little fact definitely changed my life when I discovered it. So now when we are strolling or riding in the car or even just playing in his room he starts singing his melody and looks at me for accompaniment.
I was relishing in the beauty of hearing his little voice and reminiscing in the days when he was a newborn. AJ's commute was very long. On the way home, since we only had one car at the time, often we'd make this commute all together as a family. We always loved the time riding together. AJ and I prayed while Eli was in the womb that Eli'd like road trips- God definitely gave us a boy who loves hitting the pavement and seeing the sights from the rear view.
Even as an infant Eli loved to ride in the car. It was the one place that would get him so excited that he'd start to coo and talk in that way that only infants talk. I remember how excited AJ and I would get at even the smallest sound Eli'd make. We definitely drove with the radio off because we didn't want to miss a single coo or grunt. We never wanted the little sounds to stop but eventually Eli would succumb to the soothing vibrations of the motor and drift off to sleep and all would be quiet. There was a simple disappoint that would come over AJ and I- we enjoyed Eli's sounds so much that we were definitely sad when they ceased but glad He was content and resting.
It is much the same emotion now when Eli is singing his songs. I never want the sweet sounds to cease. I love hearing his voice and try to foster an environment that makes him want to exercise his pipes. I am thankful he is content and so joyful. But when he stops singing there is still the nostalgic parent disappointment that I feel- wishing I could bottle up these little sounds and keep them forever.
Oh how God must feel each time we lift our voices up to Him in adoration and song. I bet He feels the same nostalgic disappointment we parents feel each time one of His children stops singing, only stronger and purer. No matter how Eli sings his song it is still the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. I believe this is how it is with our voices to God. He loves our worship and tunes His ear to hear us loud and clear. It is a beautiful fragrant and pleasing sacrifice that rises to His throne and makes Him smile, and I bet, even like Eli does to me, makes Him laugh at some points.
"I love you Lord and I lift my voice to worship You, oh my soul rejoice! Take joy my King in what you hear. May it be a sweet, sweet sound in Your ear!!!"
Independence Day
I went into Eli's room this morning to wake him up, he was standing in his crib and greeted me with and emphatic Cock-a-doodle-dooooooo! He is my little morning rooster.
Eli is into watching baseball on TV but whenever someone drops the ball he acknowledges it by saying uh-oh. He knows what it's all about and that the ball shouldn't be dropped, yet I never had to fill him in on the logistics of the game. Baseball must be some inate thing in the male gene. Eli is engrossed by the game so much that it causes his mouth to drop open and his eyes to rarely blink. It's amazing how early a boys fascination with the great American past time begins.
Last year to commemorate the forth of July we went to an Atlanta Braves baseball game. Eli was nearly one and very enthralled by the crowd and all the excitement. He didn't care about the game too much but loved watching all the people and hearing the sounds of ball game. I was thinking about how much fun that was last year but that he was too young to really enjoy it. This year he would have really understood it all. He'd have been very entertained by watching the game and the parachuters fly into the stadium with their American flags. He surely would have called them balloons and have wanted to hold one. (He still doesn't quite get the whole special and size concept)
But this year was great too- not quite as much of an event, but simple summertime fun. After grilling out yummy steak we got all dressed up in patriotic attire (Yes I am cheezy like that and like to where red white and blue on the 4th of July- come on' it's the one day of the year you can get away with it!) we went to see our town's fireworks in Winter Springs. I'd say Eli was the biggest hit of the show for us and most of those around us. He was the cutest little firework there was, showing off all of his tricks for all to see.
The fireworks on the other hand were quite a flop. I think one of the mortars fired wrong and shot off all the other fireworks so they all exploded on the ground hardly visible. Needless to say the show did not end with a bang and there was no finally. After a long pause they decided to give up and turn the stadium lights back on which left a very disappointed patriotic crowd- good thing Eli was there to provide entertainment for all! Our 4th was a lot of fun. I am glad we stayed up late to go experience the fireworks or as Eli calls them, "sky-light-colors."
I know it must seem so cheezy but as I was walking to the fireworks I mentioned to my sister, who was beside me, that I really am so grateful to be an American. I rarely thank God for the privilege it is to live in this country and have all the amenities and opportunities that we have here. I know I often take it so much for granted. I am thankful to have a day to reflect on the privilege it is to have the freedom to be a Christian boldly and to worship God openly and publicly. How often do I take advantage of this?!?
Last week at our small group meeting there was a missionary from China sharing about her life. When it was over I was called on to close the meeting in prayer. As I was praying it was overwhelming to me how many times I take the freedom I have to share the gospel and be a Christian freely for granted. This girl, not much older than me, risks her life daily for the sake of the gospel and I get nervous to talk to my neighbor about going to church!
I want to pray for more boldness, for eyes to see the opportunities all around me to be a witness and share the light and love of Christ. I have wasted and walked by so much- oh that God would redeem this and change my heart. That he would embolden me and empower me to be a vessel of His love and light to the world. Revival in this country will start one conversation at a time.
