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Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Eli- Eli- Eli-O
Oh my sweet Mr. Eli Jones. He is at the best stage yet. Everytime I think being his mom simply couldn't possibly get any better- it changes and gets better. I love being his momma. He is such a blessing and gift. As I peaked in on him last night before I went to bed and saw him peacefully catching his zzz's, I felt my heart simply feel like it was about to burst because of all the love I felt inside for him. I whispered a quick prayer of thanks to God for entrusting me with such a precious treasure- His precious treasure- Eli.
Ok, so let's cut right to the chase- literally- the CHASE...
Eli is walking!!!
Yes... that is what I said- Eli Jones Buffington is officially walking!!!
On thanksgiving, while 20 family members and Eli and I were all fellowshiping at my aunts house waiting to dig into our feast, Eli simply let go of my hand and took off across the room then turned around and came back again- probably taking over 20 steps. Ever since then he has been walking confidently and steadily. He has even been trying to run.
I called Dr. Kojic's office, who is Eli's neurologist, this afternoon to share the big news. Everyone was so excited for us. We talked a bit about how huge of a miracle this is. This was one of the major milestones they feared Eli would never reach and here he is reaching it right on time. I praise God for the miracle He has done in Eli and is continuing to do.
Eli's personality is blossoming in full force these days. He is talking up a storm as well and imitating everything we say- which makes me really think before I speak! He is in a faze of babbling a lot. He uses so much expression and influctuation as he talks. I can tell that he is really trying to communicate and is excited about whatever it is he is trying to say, only I have no idea what it is he is saying. Boy, I wish I did though because it is sure amusing to Eli and I am sure it would be amusing to me as well.
Eli is really into dogs. Every time he sees one- real or a picture- he says daauoowwwgah. It is so cute- he tries so hard to get all the syllables in the word that he adds a few extra. Now when Morgan, our Golden Retriever, comes up to him, Eli pants just like the dog is panting and then grins and giggles.
Eli is quite fascinated with the sshshsshh sound. Everytime I do it to him it makes him laugh. He can make the sound now too so today as we were in the store he looked up at me and shshshsh'ed and then belly laughed and then proceeded to laugh even harder when I returned the shshshshshhh. Oh he is such a joy and delight.
Eli is growing more affectionate. He has always excelled in the art of snuggling and prefers a lap to sit on and a shoulder for his head. But lately he has begun to blow kisses. He slaps his hand onto his lips and blows hard then moves his hand and smiles- I am not sure a better kiss exists than that. He also puckers now when he gives real kisses and has begun initiating that sweet form of saying 'I love you.'
Another amazing thing Eli has been doing lately is that he has been becoming really interested in looking at pictures, but not just any pictures- pictures of his daddy. We keep an album out on the coffee table of pictures of AJ. It has been there for nearly a year, but just over the past month Eli has gotten really interested in it. He walks up to it and does the sign for more, indicating his desire to look at the pictures. I always point to the faces and say dada, momma etc. Here is the amazing part... now when we are looking at the book, Eli will point to a picture of AJ and say 'dada'- I find this even more amazing because he doesn't point at anyone else and say their names i.e. momma.
I can see a love and interest in Eli for his daddy. He seems comforted by being able to see his face in the pictures. There is no other book he is as compelled to look at as this book. I find it no coincidence that his favorite book has pictures of his father on every page. I am so thankful Eli is interested in this. I do not ever want to hide Eli's story from him. I am glad he will grow up with it all around him so he can know the incredible legacy and heritage God has blessed him with through his wonderful father.
Eli will also be able to leave an amazing legacy and heritage because of how God is continually carrying him so close to his heart. He knows God as his comforter and as his joy giver and giver of life. I am so grateful for Eli and for the fact that he is literally a 'walking miracle.'
Friday, November 18, 2005
Lamentation
Everything exists to draw us deeper into the heart of our Father- Abba. All joy, pain, loneliness, frustration and love we experience exists for this sole purpose. This truth is becoming more and more evident.
Joy. Joy overflows as a result of His goodness and blessing; we in turn run to Him in gratefulness. Anything less would be to deny ourselves experiencing true joy. The joy He gives us is given because He loves us and wants to woo us and romance us. Every laugh and glimmer of hope is an invitation to come and commune with Him; to be His.
Pain. Pain, gripping at your heart and tearing at your soul. Pain that zapps your strength till you are running dry and too weary to continue on. This too can become an expression of our Father's love. He does not cause the pain but redeems it by calling us into His arms and taking away all other options of comfort besides the refuge of resting between His shoulders. This stripping away is agonizing until we are so pulled and captivated by the pain that we suddenly realize that the pull writhing within us is from a fierce and jealous Lover longing to know us and be known by us; A lover longing to redeem our pain and offer His strength.
Loneliness. Lonely emptiness is what I am left with as I chase after the candy of the world for fulfillment and happiness. Pain apart from Christ is hopeless devastation, swallowing all life in its vacuum, leaving nothing left of substance and worth, so all that remains is a lonely emptiness. But Christ is a source that will never run dry, filling us past the point of overflowing. He is a faithful companion who will never leave our side. No matter how far and fast we can run- He continues to run further and faster.
Frustration. Frustration comes because my pride says just persevere and it will get better, just try a little harder. Frustration is: not having all the answers; trying your best and still falling short- always falling short. But it is the falling that allows our Savior the satisfaction and pleasure of catching us, of grabbing us by the hand and guiding us safely and tenderly to a deeper more intimate dwelling.
Love. All love we feel is a reflection of Abba's love for us. It is laced and woven with the chords of His kindness and the threads of His affection. Romance, intimacy, desire, passion, excitement all exist to entice us. We crave them because He yearns to bestow them abundantly upon us as we, in response to His glorious invitation, come.
Am I worth pursuing? Am I worth fighting for? The undeniable, definite, daring answer is yes. The Lover of my soul is in constant pursuit of me. He gives me desires and affections that I too often look to the world to fulfill when it is He who places these longings in my heart because He wants to be the one to bestow on me every desire of my heart. He is passionately pursuing me with every second of my frail existence.
The love He offers is unending, unfailing, unconditional, exstravagant, secure and faithful. He is fighting for my love. He is fighting for me. He has what it takes and wants to share it with me. He wants to make me more than a conqueror- He wants to make me His prize, His beauty, His delight.
Possibly the bigger question here is this- Is He worth pursuing? Is He worth fighting for? My lips and heart quickly respond with an emphatic yes. But what do my actions say? Do I allow Him to romance me? Do I put on the slinky red dress and perfume to further captivate and allure Him as His Beauty because He has given his abandoned all for me? Or do I reject Him by saying, not now- I'm not in the mood; or maybe later- I am really busy right now; or how about this time next week so I can make sure my calendar is cleared. Or worse yet, you can have me but only part of me, I am sharing this other part with something else, so I can't give you my all.
I am His beauty, His prize. I am His. Everything exists in Him, by Him and for Him. I am no substitute to this truth. I have an invitation to indulge in the most intimate, passionate and exciting love with the intricate, majestic, magnificent Romancer of my soul. He has been longing for me to be His since before the beginning of time. He beckons me to love Him with my whole heart- all my heart. He loves me with an exstravagent abandon and yearns for my heart to respond to this love with a recklessly abandoned heart to loving exstravagantly by giving Him my all and my best. His love is so vast that nothing can contain it or seperate me from it. He calls me by name- He calls me His own.
My Lover is mine and I am His.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
No-Bees-Freedom
It has been more than two weeks since the anniversary of AJ's death. This has proven to be a very significant milestone. I want to share with you some of my thoughts on grief and how I spent October 31st this year- a huge contrast to last year's experience.
AJ and I lead a group called overflow at our church. We met regularly often over a potluck dinner at our friend Paul's house. These nights were filled with fellowship while we ate; then we had a discussion, worship and prayer time. God did amazing things in our season together. He knit together a strong community in us, through which all of us were challenged and grew in our faith.
I faced a huge decision of how to spend October 31st. When I was talking with my great friend Jenny about this decision she expressed a desire to all join together again and grieve over AJ as a group. As soon as she mentioned this I knew it was the perfect thing to do. We all were dealing with the pain of losing someone we loved. I saw this evening with great potential for God to bring healing to our broken hearts.
I prayed over who to invite, wanting to be sensitive to the dynamics of the group. I knew that if we all knew each other well, that we would be able to be more open and vulnerable with each other- so I chose the list based on that fact- keeping it limited to a small group that all knew AJ and each other well.
We gathered at Paul's house for a yummy potluck dinner just like we used to do in the past. Just being together again was heart warming. The fellowship was so life giving. It felt like we hadn't ever even skipped a beat- but yet I knew that things were drastically different now.
We simply enjoyed each other's company for a few hours. Then we all gathered in the family room. I had prepared a gift for AJ (which is a long story in itself- to share with you later) that I shared with the group. Then I showed a video of AJ's time with Eli. We all were crying at the sound of his voice and the sight of his face. It was very emotional.
I had asked my good friend Tom to lead a discussion that night. He proceeded after the video to ask us all, "What has God taught you from AJ's life and from AJ's death?" That was the perfect question to ask.
I loved hearing everyone's thoughtful, emotional, and loving answers. But what got me the most sitting there in the room that night was an overwhelming sense of gratitude. I was so thankful to be surrounded by such a wonderful community of friends. In addition, I was so thankful to be there as AJ's wife.
I am grateful for the privilege of being his wife. But sitting there listening to everyone talk- I saw in a greater way than ever just how amazing AJ was and what a gift it was to share life with him- to have become one with him, which Paul describes as one of the great mysteries of God in Ephesians 5:31-32. I was blessed to be able to hold my head high that night as AJ's wife.
Sometimes this realization is so overwhelming. All I can do is thank God over and over again usually with many tears of joy over His love and blessings given to me through AJ. I realize what a precious and rare gift it is to find a man who truly is after God's own heart; who has integrity and is motivated by love, who is strong and wild at heart, bold and courageous, wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove. AJ encompassed all of this.
I do not say this to idolize him or exalt him. I do not want to put him on a pedestal just because he has died. I know AJ was human and therefore flawed as we all are. I know he too fell short as we all do as a mark of our flesh. But despite that, he was an amazing man and all those who were close to him recognized it. This was obvious in every word shared during our evening together on the 31st.
I grieve over missing AJ. I grieve over what could have been. But something greater gives me hope and brings me joy. This comes direct from God and penetrates into my spirit. I can feel grace being poured over me- sufficient, sustaining, strong grace. I am content because I know that in Christ I have all that I need and He is all that I need.
"A big difference exists between doubting what God may do and doubting God IS God. Even when you have no idea what God is doing, your protection is in never doubting God IS God. We're not called to have faith in our faith. We are called to have faith in God and never doubt Him." (Beth Moore, To Live Is Christ, Pg. 191)
I have joy over the gift 3 years of a life shared with AJ was. It was a huge expression of God's goodness to me. Those 3 years were a blessing- I wasn't entitled to even a second of it. Knowing that, helps me to be content instead of believing the lie that I was robbed and cheated of a future.
God is sovereign and in control. Who am I that I should be His counselor and tell Him what to do? He is all-knowing. He is the definition of wisdom, kindness, beauty, and love. He will never leave me or forsake me. He will not let any weapon formed against me prosper. I am safe in His arms, resting between His shoulders. He has good plans for me- for a hope and a future, plans of peace and life- not of trouble. God is good and Jesus is Lord.
All throughout our evening together on October 31st God was flooding my spirit with light; offering me abundant comfort and a peace that passes all understanding. Once everyone was finished sharing, we all joined together for a time of prayer. For weeks prior I had been praying that God would do a mighty healing in our hearts as we joined together in His presence. And now, there we were, joined together in His presence.
I didn't feel any immediate sensation. I didn't see any bright light-bulbs illuminate. There was just an immense peace permeating the room. This peace has been settling in me ever since.
I woke up the next morning feeling very refreshed as if I had been in a cool spring on a hot summer day. I had a sense of accomplishment and assurance that God really IS enough for me! That He really DID carry me through my darkest hour. That His grace really IS sufficient and I know it undoubtedly to the very core of my being.
The first year is behind me now and hopefully no other year will be quite as hard as the first year. I have a joyful anticipation of what lies ahead. I do not know how this year will look or what it will hold, but I know this much- I am not letting go of the hand of my Guide. He will lead me safely down roads unknown into greater intimacy with Him and further destiny and purpose in my life.
Grief ebbs and flows. I have learned this firsthand over the past year. I know that there are many different seasons of grief. I prefer to call them seasons rather than stages because I think grief is something that once it touches your heart it will forever stay- it is not a stage that you pass through and leave behind. It is like C.S. Lewis' example of loosing a leg- you get over the initial pain of the amputation- but you will never have your leg again. You will learn how to walk with assistance- but you will always have a limp.
I know God delivers and heals, but grief changes us and touches us in such a deep way- it is impossible to not be permanetly effected by it. Even through God's redemption of grief- there is still a mark to remain as proof of His grace and healing power. He uses it to perfect us and draw us into a deeper intimacy with Himself- it is impossible to behold Him and not be transformed.
Isaiah 61:3,"To all who mourn in Israel, he will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the Lord has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for HIS OWN glory."
I have been tempted to feel guilty about how I am grieving. But God has recently set me free from this. I have diligently and faithfully prayed ever since AJ died that I would grieve in a healthy way. I have persistently come to God with this petition and laid my heart and pain at His feet. This is too big for me to handle and the emotions are too deep for anything and anyone except the King of Majesty. I've realized that in my feeling guilty about how I was grieving it showed that I was not truly trusting God with my heart- that I had not fully let go and allowed God to hold it and heal it.
I was putting pressure on myself about what I thought was right. I was allowing fear of other's judgments to shape my emotions and the account of my heart. I felt guilty for being sad and down becuase it seemed as though God's grace wasn't enough for me. I felt guilty for feeling any joy and happiness because it seemed as though devastation and crying was the only acceptable and appropriate emotion. But my joy never was from anything else but from the grace of God and His love and kindness. So to reject it would be false as well.
All of this came to a head recently as I was hanging out with the Lover of my Soul one afternoon outside. I was sharing this frustration with Him when He gave me a significant revelation.
He IS in charge of my heart. He IS helping me grieve in a healthy way and I need to continue to trust Him with this. Grief, like everything else- requires faith. I am walking in His sufficient grace and my joy comes from Him and from drawing near to Him and remaining close with Him. It is not denial. It is not forced. It is not sugar-coated. It is pure, genuine, raw grace. Likewise, bringing the pain to Him and allowing God's healing balm to penetrate it is necessary, it is another expression of His grace.
This is a mighty testimony of God's goodness and power and might. His ability to carry me through this speaks volumes of His character. But I was having trouble recognizing this. Instead, I was feeling pressure and being tempted to believe that I would have a stronger story and testimony if I stayed down in the dark trenches of death, doom, despair and self pity longer. That my road was going to be a long hard road- but the glory from the redemption would bring much praise to God.
There is truth in that, and I know my road has been and will be hard. I cry, I miss AJ and that pain is at time overbearing, but I do not believe God wants me to refuse the grace He is holding out before me as an offering and free gift right now. I do not need to prove my love for AJ by how hard I grieve over him. I should not grieve as the world grieves. I can't measure my grief against anyone else. Everyone grieves in different ways- that doesn't make one thing right and another wrong. I think the important thing is to be honest with myself and with God and to continue to allow Him to mend my brokeness.
While I grieve and miss AJ- I still have hope and joy because AJ is not the source of my hope and joy. My Source will never leave me or run dry- my Source is Jesus Christ. I believe it is an even greater miracle to never have to be pulled up out of the mire! As C.S. Lewis said on page 43 of A Grief Observed, "The more we believe that God hurts only to heal, the less we can believe that there is any use in begging for tenderness."
Psalm 112:4, "When darkness overtakes the godly, light will come bursting in."
Psalm 139:11-12, "I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night- but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are both alike to you."
I want to be genuine and real. I want to trust God with my emotions- whether joyful or painful. I do not want to conjure up anything, but instead I want to simply be me and walk through the seasons of grief with my hand clenched firmly onto my Daddy's hand. He will receive all the glory- in the end (and we do know the end) every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that Jesus is Lord.
I do not need to force a story or an ending. I simply need to allow God to replace my stony heart with a heart of clay (Ezekiel 11:19 & 36:26). The freedom of submission is life-giving, peace-abounding, and joy-overflowing freedom. It is run with a flowy dress through a field of blossoming wildflowers and no bees freedom. (Not that I have ever done that- but it sounds fun and free and exhilarating to me:)
Sunday, November 13, 2005
So while we are talking about dreams... many of you might know of my dream to be a rock star when I get to heaven. I believe AJ is already tuning my hot pink electric guitar in anticipation of me joining the rockin' band in heaven. I am so excited to be a rock star in heaven praisin' God with my hot pink guitar. I am content for now to wait till heaven- I am sure the sound would be much more pleasent and glorious then anyway. But here is a fun picture of something I have to look forward to.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Awaken the Dawn
Today I was reading an encouraging chapter about dreams and not giving up on or ignoring what God has placed in our hearts.
I am realizing a life long dream of mine tomorrow:
I am expecting 13 very special packages in the mail... 1,000 CD's
I recently completed my first recording project. It has taken me two years filled with many prayers, tears, and laughs to get to this point. But praise God for bringing me here in His perfect timing. He is never early and never late.
When I first started this project I expected it to be finished in a couple of weeks and two years later I am finally able to hold the finished product.
But through the frustration God has shown me that His ways are higher than my ways and that His timing is perfect. He has shown me His sovereignty through truly crafting this project on His terms. I have been diligent to continue to lay this dream at His feet not knowing what, if anything, would come of it.
I can see His grace in letting it take this long- what was frustration has now turned into praise. I am thankful for God saying, "not yet...wait my child" for I know that had I finished this at any other time it would not have been in the fullness of what God wanted it to be.
This has been a good lesson in patience for me- one of many lessons I'm sure! But God has continued to make it so evident that His timing is perfect.
I have a new link on the website. If you look to the left of the page under the 'photos' button you will see a link, 'awaken the dawn'. On this new page I will put updates about the latest concert information and ways to get CDs, etc.
I am having a CD release concert in memory of AJ this Sunday evening, November 13th at 8:00 pm at our Church, New Covenant. If you are in the area, it'd be great for you to come.
It will be a night of worship- which is what we all were created to do. I want to simply honor God and lavish love on Him in response to the love He so graciously and abundantly pours out on us.
I am doing it in memory of AJ because he was such a major part of this project. Most of the songs were written during our time together. AJ supported me completely in the project and encouraged me throughout the process. He wouldn't let me settle or take any short cuts. He also played bass and acoustic guitar on the project.
In a lot of ways I feel like I am finishing something we started together. Besides the huge task of raising Eli, this is the last thing AJ and I started together that has been left undone...until now. It is good to finish this.
I cried upon hearing the completed CD for many reasons. Relief to realize a dream. Joy over the outcome of the project. Pain in the reality that AJ isn't here with me to enjoy this moment; to see this dream fulfilled.
Yesterday the band and I were rehearsing for the concert. We were really jammin and it was powerful music. My eyes watered up. I was so happy and excited to hear the songs come to life. I had so much satisfaction knowing here I was rehearsing for the CD release concert- a moment I had anticipated for a long time.
But with that was a huge unfillable whole...
AJ...
I wanted him up on the stage next to me booming on his bass with a grin on his face and that twinkle in his eyes that shows me he is so proud. In my mind's eye I could see it- but I ached for it to be real. I wanted to share this moment with him.
I am not certain what will come of this whole project. All God has shown me was the very thing I am supposed to do now- each step of the way. I do not know if the CD and the songs will amount to much at all. I simply want to be faithful with all that God has given me and allow this to be exactly what God needs it to be. I surrender to His ways and His desires. I am His, my life is His and this project is His and anything to come is His.
I do hope that you will join me in covering the concert and this new season of my releasing this CD in prayer- that God would continue to have His way in me and be willing to use me as His vessel. That I would stay humble and focused on Him, knowing that apart from Him I have and can do nothing. And please pray that He would anoint me and this project and open the right doors for me, giving me the wisdom to know what steps to take or not take.
Also, don't forget to check out the new 'awaken the dawn' link for updates.
To order a CD please email me at: CD@ajandkellie.com
Monday, November 07, 2005
"Funny"
I was enjoying a laffy taffy today while Eli and I were playing together in his room. AJ's good friends Matt and Shannon Dorn gave them to me as a nice way to bless me during this season. That was so nice of them- (thanks guys).
I peeled off the green wrapper and handed it to Eli who was excitedly reaching for it.
Eli is at a stage where we look at everything and I name each item- trying to teach him the simple words for the things we encounter in our daily life. He often tries to repeat the word back to me mimicking my influctuations perfectly.
When I handed him the green wrapper I said, "funny." He smiled and tried to say funny as he pointed to the wrapper. This went on for about 5 minutes- while my laughter continued to grow at Eli's early recognition of good humor.
So I thought with all this 'funny' talk that I should share a joke from today's wrapper.
What is at the bottom of the ocean and shakes?
A nervous wreck!!!
I hope you have a wonderful day for this is the day that Lord has made and we should rejoice and be glad in it...
Friday, November 04, 2005
Fire In My Shoes
I was reading through the Message bible by Eugene Peterson today and felt like I was getting a pep talk from the Holy Spirit. Every word I read was putting fire underneath my feet! It was so good that I wanted to share it with you. I hope it encourages you as well. It is kind of long, but worth taking the time to read.
(This is a great transaltion for more in depth study.)
Romans 7:21-25; 8:5-9; 12-17; 22-26; 28-39
"It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?
The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.
Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God's action in them find that God's Spirit is in them- living and breathing God! Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God. Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God, ends up thinking more about self than God. That person ignores God and what he is doing. And God isn't pleased at being ignored.
So don't you see that we don't owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent. There's nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God's Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go!
This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grace-tending life. it's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: father and Children. And we know we are going to get what's coming to us- an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him!
All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
God knew what he was doing from the beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see he original intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made that decision of what his children whould be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun.
So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even point a finger? The One who died for us- who was raised to life for us!- is in the presence of God at the very moment sticking up for us.
Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture. None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing- nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable-absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us."
Thursday, November 03, 2005
When it was time to make AJ his stone it was easy to decide what should be set in it. This rock sits in the Memorial Garden at our church, New Covenant, which is also where half of AJ's ashes are burried.
Nothing Between My Savior And I
AJ wrote this poem when he was about 16. He painted a beautiful watercolor around the words and gave it to one of his youth pastors. The man he gave it to brought it to AJ's service last year and gave it to me to pass down to Eli.
These words are so beautiful. They echo AJ's heart. I wanted to share them with you:
Time takes its toll, weather makes its mark, man creates disaster.
The tombstones stood, some tall, mighty, and gleaming;
Yet others worn and crumbled under the weather of the days gone by.
These are the monuments of lives that had past;
Soldiers and Chiefs; Widows and Orphans.
Presidents and Heroes; Homeless and Crippled.
But of these lives, what remains?
A symbol of their peace, joy, and glory;
A recollection of their achievements, recognitions, and accomplishments;
Or the crumbled stone of a lonely, hardened life.
Further still what foregoes of these deaths?-
That is only know by The Master and His servant.
For in His death He has left the way so that
Death does not have its sting.
Through the struggles of life, the pressures of long days;
The happy times and the sad;
The good times and the bad;
We all set for ourselves a symbol of who we are.
When it comes time to be set in stone,
Will it read
"Nothing between my Savior and I?"
-AJ Buffington
