- { A blog for Aj Kellie and Eli } -

ON OUR SITE

Nann Dobbs

On this past Thursday (August 25th) heaven gained yet again another great saint- someone who relied on the goodness of God. Her name was Nann Dobbs. She was 68 years old and died rather suddenly and unexpectedly from a massive heart attack.

Nann was used to change and touch many people's lives radically. God used her in my own life to shape me. We used to meet regularly soon after I became a Christian. She would counsel me and encourage me. Most importantly she would share wisdom with me. She fulfilled the verse in Titus 2:4-5, "These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to take care of their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God."

Nann was not only a mentor to me, she was also a dear friend. I remember so well calling Nann to tell her about when I first kissed AJ and then again when we were engaged. She came to my bridal shower and our wedding. I called when I found out we were pregnant and many other times in between. She was always so excited and wanted to hear ALL the details. She was so good at making everyone feel as though they were so important to her.

The ability to make everyone feel accepted is something that marked both AJ and Nann. They loved extravagantly. They were so good at seeing the best in people instead of judging them. Both of them were so selfless and generous with giving others their attention and time. I want to be like them in these ways.

Nann spent a lot of her time counseling anyone and everyone God lead to her. She was so faithful and obedient- a strong and wise woman of God- a true spiritual mother. In addition she was a prayer warrior. Nann spent a lot of time on her knees. It was so obvious and not because she had dirty knees- but it was evident in her life and the grace she lived with. Her face was radiant with the glow that reflects God's glory which was beheld by time with Him before His throne in His presence. They truly possessed an inward beauty that flowed to her outward appearance as well.

I have always looked up to Nann and admired her. I have always respected her and known I had so much to learn from her. Often, I thanked God for her and for how He had so graciously brought her into my life. I knew it was enriched by who she was. I enjoyed just sitting back and watching her- seeing how she lived her life and loved others. She laid herself down so that others might know Christ and the freedom He died to give us.

I have always said that when I grow up I want to be a women of prayer and integrity like Nann. I loved her dearly. She was such an inspiration to me and many others. She encouraged me with my music and leading worship. She loved the songs that I wrote which blessed me because I haven't shared them with many people yet. She has spent a lot of time praying for me- time that I know has been used to help me and strengthen me through many hard seasons.

I want to pray effectively and fervently as she has- they kind of prayers that touch eternity and move mountains and help others accomplish the impossible. I want to be used touch others and change them as she did. I don't want to be used because of how it will make other's think of me- not for recognition or praise. Instead I want to be used because we have such an amazing God and I want everyone to know Him and the fullness of life with Him. I want to serve Him with all that I am and with all that I have been given. He is worthy of nothing less.

I admire how selfless Nann was. I know that is something that takes a lifetime of perfecting. Time to learn and grow. I wish I was less self-centered but I am thankful to at least be in the process of being perfected- although I know it will take a lifetime.

I have always respected older people because there are so many graces that are only learned through time and life experiences. There is so much wisdom that comes through time. I love to surround myself with people who are older and wiser since I know I have so much to learn from them. Proverbs 13:20, "Whoever walks with the wise will become wise..."

This evening there was a viewing of Nann. She looked beautiful and peaceful- although it wasn't really her- just the container that held her. She has simply stepped on into eternity. I loved a question Carl asked during his sermon this morning. He asked, "What are you going to be doing in 400 years?" Nann knew what that would be and was working toward that goal while she was on earth. Now she is ready to use all the skills she learned on earth and she is perfected to use them.

Life is so short in the perspective of eternity. While we are here we are in training for eternity. Dallas Willard calls it 'training for reigning.' That reality makes me really want to live my life to the fullest now. I only have a tiny spec to prepare- and even this short time on earth could end at any moment, any day. There are no guarantees. I want to be ready at all times. I want to try my best to live peaceably with everyone. While rest is good- I do not want to be lazy. I do not want to procrastinate putting off something for tomorrow that can be done today. Tomorrow has no guarantees.

There is a grace in making the most out of today. It is manageable. If I am focused on living today and loving the people I am with today and being faithful with all I have been given today then through time I will be fulfilling my destiny and living my life to the fullness in the fullness of Christ. This was something Nann really did well. It would have no doubt been overwhelming to keep the full schedule she kept filled with various counseling appointments. But taken one day at a time it was manageable. Since she lived like that she was able to be so effective. God was able to use her to reach so many more people.

I love the joke that says, 'How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.' While it is funny- there is so much truth to it. If you looked at the elephant with the goal to eat the whole thing that would be very overwhelming and probably give you a stomach ache. But knowing you just have to take one bite at a time it is much more manageable. Nann taught me this principle through how she lived her life.

I was talking with Barb about the huge loss I feel in losing Nann. I loved her dearly and I will miss her greatly as will so many. I said to Barb, "I can't imagine the earth without Nann Dobbs on it." Her response was filled with so much wisdom, "Yeah, but imagine heaven WITH Nann Dobbs in it!" With that perspective I can handle her passing much easier. I will see her soon. Oh and it is so neat to imagine her and AJ swapping stories and feasting at the banqueting table together. Heaven gained another mighty saint.

posted by Kellie # 9:45 PM (1) comments

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Ragamuffin Gospel

Praise God for His provisions. It is funny how often I think I have to search hard for something when really it is right in front of my nose all the time. I am realizing how many wonderful blessings and opportunities are all around me. There seems to be so many things and relationships I can be investing in right here close to home in Orlando that I realize I have been neglecting. I want to be faithful with all that I have been given and admit that I do not think I have done the best job with that.

But I am thankful for grace. I am thankful that God is so loving and patient with me. I have been very blessed with a new accountability partner. God has brought a wonderful friend through which we can mutually challenge each other and grow spiritually. We will be able to spend time praying together and we are also beginning to do a Beth Moore bible study- 'To Live Is Christ'. We were talking together yesterday about different things God has been doing in our lives lately. One thing she noted after a few minutes of me talking was this: she said it seems like God is bringing me into a season of freedom.

As soon as she said this a lot of things clicked in me. I realized that yes, this is a season of freedom. God is freeing me of things that I didn't even know existed in me or that held me captive. One major tool He is using is the author Brennan Manning. I recently read his work, 'The Importance of Being Foolish' and now I am currently reading 'The Ragamuffin Gospel'. Both of these books are filled with words that resound with God's love and grace. They seem like simple truths but I never realized how little I knew of both of these things until I began reading these two books.

If I tried to begin quoting them I might as well just quote the entire works- it is all that good. So instead let me just highly recommend you read them. It will change you and free you.

I realize how twisted my thinking is with regard to God's love. I know in my mind that I can not earn God's love but something seems to disconnect in the 12 inches between my mind and my heart. I still was feeling as though God would love me more if I was really good or if I prayed a lot and served others selflessly. While yes, these are all good things- they do not make God love me anymore. His love is given to me freely. I am accepted just as I am- know matter who I am. The good things I do to honor Him should flow out of the motive to respond to His love that He has freely lavished upon me- not out of the motive to earn or guarantee His love.

Modern American Christianity makes this a complicated spiritual principle. The church as a whole rewards piety. They look down on 'sinners' afraid to realize that without sinners there would be no need for churches! Everything around us goes against the truth and freedom of us believing and knowing He loves us just as we are. But He really does! We must trust that and live with that assurance of faith. As Paul says in Galatians 2:16, "And yet we Jewish Christians know that we become right with God, not by doing what the law commands, but by faith in Jesus Christ. So we have believed in Christ Jesus, that we might be accepted by God because of our faith in Christ- and not because we have obeyed the law. For no one will ever be saved by obeying the law."

Another huge revelation I am beginning to have is the false sense of security spiritual pride brings. As a Christian whose friends are mostly Christians as well- I can act just as wrongly as those of the world and cover it all in spirituality- thus deceiving myself and them but grieving the heart of God. I am so careful to make sure I look good and sound good- 'spiritual.' I must use the right terms and have that certain way about me. All this striving is such nonsense. It smells bad to God. We know we all have a smell- 2 Corinthians 2:15, "Our lives are a fragrance presented by Christ to God."

I want to smell good before God. I want my life to be like the expensive perfume that Mary poured over Jesus. I want to pour my life and all that I am onto Him and I want it to smell good and pleasing to Him. I want it to be a fragrant offering unto Him.

I don't want to just talk about things and not do them. So much is done in secret behind closed doors. That is where we get our integrity. I want to be a woman of integrity. I am broken over the pride God is showing me. I am humbled to see the impure motives in my heart. I didn't realize how much the praise and approval of others meant to me- instead of the praise and approval of God. I want to love and serve God with all that I am. Without love I have nothing- I am but a resounding gong- and that can get really annoying. I don't want to annoy God.

Even now as I write this there is the temptation to want to sound good and 'spiritual'. I am writing all this partly to flesh it out in myself. But also because I hope and pray God will use what He is showing me to in some way bring revelation to others as well. I do want to be down-to-earth and approachable. I don't want to over spiritualize everything or make things more complicated then they need to be. I also don't want to make others feel as though they have to be and act 'spiritual' in order to relate to me or be accepted by me. I think of Jesus and how comfortable sinners were around Him. He was so down to earth and approachable. He would share meals with tax collectors, drunkards and prostitutes. I want to be one who accepts others as they are and makes everyone feel welcome and loved by me. I do not want to hide behind a self-condemning wall of spirituality.

It is so amazing the way God works in my heart. Here He is perfecting me daily. He is gently shaping me and graciously disciplining me and showing me sin. I assure you that if you pray Psalm 139:23-24, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life." God will respond to that prayer.

I read something amazing today in 1 Kings 19:11-12. It painted a beautiful image of how God deals with us. "Go out and stand before me on the mountain," the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper." God was in the gentle whisper. That is how He came to Elijah to speak to Him.

I am often expecting God to come in the wind, earthquake or fire. I hardly even can recognize the soft gentle whisper. But that is how He often comes. I must be still and know that He is God. I must listen. He is gentle and loving. His ways are filled with grace. He chooses to come in the soft gentle whisper. How loving and inviting!

His graciousness astounds me. His gentleness is making me great (Ps.18:35). Just as He is correcting me and raising my low places and lowering the high places in me (Isaiah 40:4), He is also teaching more about His perfect love and grace then I have ever known. I am realizing the meaning of 1 John 4:18 which says, "Such love has no fear because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of judgment, and this shows that His love has not been perfected in us."

When I realize I have sinned, which is nearly a constant occurrence, I know that while it grieves God's heart it doesn't make Him love me less. While I will have to bear the consequences of my sin- I am still just as accepted by God no matter what I do. I can not earn His favor. It is given freely. To believe otherwise takes all the power out of what Christ did on the cross for me.

There is so much going on in my head that I still can not articulate. God seems to be setting me free from myself and my own inhibitions. I am often too self-conscious and self absorbed. I am overly concerned with what others think of me instead of what God thinks of me. I do not want to be this way. I know I have a lifetime of perfecting ahead of me. But I am glad to have at least some of myself stripped away. I want to be real and genuine and honest with myself, my God and my community. I want to be transparent.

I realize piety does not impress God. On page 22 of The Ragamuffin Gospel, Manning says: "A saint is not someone who is good but who experiences the goodness of God." I want to live like a saint- I want to experience the goodness of God- that includes His grace and mercy.

It is important to point out the key chapters of Romans 6-8 where Paul is struggling with sin. We are free from the power of sin. Although, it might appear the that God is glorified when we sin because He can offer forgiveness and we can receive His grace. BUT! As Romans 6:6&11 says, "Our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. So you should consider yourselves dead to sin and able to live for the glory of God through Christ Jesus."

We obey God because we love Him- not to earn His love. I get caught easiest by the spiritual things. I feel more loved by Him when I read the bible or pray- thus my motives in doing those things can become selfish and corrupted. I shouldn't try to earn God's love or win His favor by using Him; by reading His word and praying to Him only for a sense of security. While those things are natural outcomes of time abiding with Him- it should not be my motive. Oh how selfish I am! I so want a pure heart. I want to honor God simply because He is worthy. I want to give Him all of me because He is worthy. I want to abide in Him because He is worthy. He is faithful. He is loving. He is true.

I am not going to stop praying or reading the living Word. It is humbling that God in His faithfulness still uses these times no matter what my motives are- despite my human-ness. He still hears my prayers and blesses them. He is giving me revelations in His Word and making me more like Him- although I know I have a LONG way to go. I am glad to at least be walking on the Highway of Holiness. Isaiah 35:8, "And a main road will go through that once deserted land. It will be named the Highway of Holiness."

posted by Kellie # 11:28 PM (0) comments

Reminders

Eli's visit with Dr. Kojic last Monday went very well. Every time we visit her we realize more of the miracle that Eli is. She reminded us of how amazing Eli's recovery has been. She reminded us of how dim his recovery looked in those first weeks after the accident. She reminded us of how excited we all were when Eli looked to the left side for the first time. I do remember that moment- all of us by his hospital bed were cheering with delight.

I needed to remember just how far Eli has come. It makes everything he can do now even more amazing. Dr. Kojic said that the problems he has now are small potatoes compared to where he was. He is doing so many things that we at one point thought would be impossible for him. He is so strong and God has been so gracious in healing him.

There are things that Eli still can not do that he is a little behind developmentally on. Because of that we all decided that it would be best for Eli to be evaluated by a therapist. Then they can decide if it is time and if there is a real need for Eli to have extra help to learn some of the skills he needs to learn. They might see it as beneficial or they might say lets give him another 6 months to try it on his own and then we will assess the situation again at that point.

Either way I am glad Eli will be able to get whatever he needs- be it more time or more help. I want him to have all that he needs and all the opportunities that he can to be the best little boy possible. He is such a blessing to me and I want the best for him. I want to do whatever it takes for him.

Another outcome of our time with Dr. Kojic was that we decided it was time to change Eli's medicine. He has been taking Phenobarbital twice a day. But now we are in the process of switching to a drug with less side affects called Topamax. For a few weeks Eli will be on a full dose of both drugs- once he is responding well to them both then we will wean him off of the Phenobarbital and he will only be on a full dose of the Topamax twice a day. This whole process will take a few months.

I am glad for the change in his medicine. I hope he will do better on the Topamax because of the lower risk of side affects. The new drug is in a sprinkle for and looks a lot like what you'd put on top of ice cream. I have been putting it into a small amount of pudding and giving it to him as desert right before bed. He really likes it. This is a much easier way of giving him medicine then the Phenobarbital was.

Thank you for your continued prayers. We still need them and Eli is still healing and recovering. I was again reminded of how drastically traumatic his injuries were which only helps to point to God's glory and powerfully gracious healing of my precious little boy. All praise be to God!

posted by Kellie # 8:50 AM (1) comments

Friday, August 19, 2005

Hairball

Eli is becoming very attatched to my hair. It is becoming something that gives him comfort and security. I think it is very sweet. Whenever Eli is nursing he is always running his little hands in my hair and if my hair is pulled back then he holds onto a fistful of my bangs. If he is crying and I pick him up to comfort him the first thing he does is grab hold of my hair and soon all is better. It is neat to see the different ways a baby can find comfort. I am glad to have long hair so Eli can enjoy it so much.

Eli is really reaching a sweet stage of being able to show affection. He is back to enjoying snuggle time again. When he first learned how to crawl all he wanted to do was be mobile. If anyone got in his way or tried to slow him down by snuggling with him he protested and got frustrated. Now that crawling is still great but not this new exciting skill he can enjoy the things he used to enjoy before crawling took all his attention and energy. He is such a great cuddler. He blesses my heart so much when he looks at me and reaches out his little arms for me to hold him then he burrys his head on my shoulder. Ohhh it just melts my heart. His such a sweet little boy.

One very nice thing is that Eli doesn't just limit his snuggling to me because I'm his momma. Many other people he loves and that love him get to enjoy snuggle time with Eli. He is a blessing to so many and he is only 13 months old!

Eli's dramatic cough is only getting worse. Although it is certainly only acting- it is very dramatic. It is becoming a game we play. If anyone coughs then Eli coughs too. If he is not getting the attention he wants then he coughs and he even does his eyes now too as if it was really bad. Then I look at him and pretend to be concerned and then we both laugh. It is funny. I'm certainly glad he doesn't need to cough like that for real. Although he has been known to fool people sometimes who are not used to being around Eli and his dramatic acting skills. He's good!!! Watch out Tom Hanks.

posted by Kellie # 11:39 AM (0) comments

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Eli Update

We are all back home now. Vacation in beautiful sunny Captiva Island Florida is now over. With that, I feel as though summer is over. School has started for the children. All the stores have the 'summer' clothes on clearance and the fall clothes on display. The networks are beginning to air their season premiers. And, if you can believe it, football season has already been kicked off by a slew of preseason games. Soon the air will begin to have some nip in it and the sunshine will hide beneath the horizon earlier than it had the day before. I will be left with another nostalgic longing for the fun hot days of summer and iced tea.

As soon as Eli and I returned home from vacation I found life was moving yet again at the speed of light. Yesterday Eli had another EEG which is always a long hard experience for all involved. It is so hard to keep a 1 year old laying on his back while he is having lots of tiny wires glued to his head. Eli couldn't understand and was crying so hard about it all. This tore my heart apart. Mia was there too and trying to offer comfort. Soon Eli wore himself out and dozed off to sleep. I do think he is the cutest little sleeper in the entire world!

The same EEG technician does the test everytime Eli has and EEG. After many EEG's we are beginning to become familiar with the process and all the people involved. It is so great to walk into the doctor's office and be greeted with excited smiles and nurses reaching out to hold Eli and give him some 1st class lovin'.

After Eli's last EEG a few months ago the EEG tech was very excited about the results. But this time when we finished the test he was very quiet. I knew it must be because the news was not so good. I inquired about what Eli's patterns were showing. He said that the EEG looked a lot like the first EEG he performed on Eli. This was very disappointing news.

I am sure part of the problem with my disappointment was that I had such high expectations. After the previous test there was talk of Eli being able to come off of his medicine if he had another good EEG. That was what I was hoping for. I had just assumed he was completely normal since the previous EEG showed that- so likewise I expected that to be further confirmed by yesterday's test.

While it is disappointing, it is also good in that it was a major wake up call for me. I realized that Eli does still need extra care and attention. He does still have a risk that I need to be watching for. While yes, I do believe God has healed him and made him whole- the results of that healing will still take time to develop into its fullness.

I also left the doctor's office yesterday with a lot more questions. Since I had just assumed Eli was fine I never really felt the need to ask many questions about his condition aside from what information the doctor offered to me. Now I have a lot of questions to ask such as how does is make Eli feel, how does this affect his emotions since the major continuous spikes were in his temporal lobe which controls his emotions? Barb and I wrote down our questions on a list as we were driving home.

Next Monday the 22nd, Eli has another appointment with Dr. Kojic, his neurologist. That will be a great time to find out the answers to my questions and to learn how I can best be helping and protecting Eli. I want the best for him. I so want for him to be free from all this. But, I have to believe he is going through this for a purpose. I know God is using this to shape Eli and myself and as a result it will bring Him more glory. After all, all glory and honor is due His name.

So, a final thing I am convicted of is the realization that I should still be interceeding for Eli's health and healing. I also ask that you would continue to lift him up as God tugs on your heart to do so. Pray as well that I would continue to have grace and not be discouraged as we are walking through all of this together. I realize that I can not do this alone. But I keep coming back to the powerful words of encouragement Christ told me in 2 Corinthian 12:9, "My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness."

To Christ be all glory and honor and power now and forever. Amen.

posted by Kellie # 1:42 PM (5) comments

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Entering God's Rest

It's such a hard life I live! I have been vacationing in beautiful Captiva Island, FL for the past week and have another week here in this paradise to look forward to yet. I am here with all the Buffingtons. They are so good at taking great vacations. Nearly every year they set some money aside to spend on taking a nice relaxing vacation. I think this is so healthy. It is a blessing to be able to have the means to do this. I am even more blessed to be able to benefit from their generosity and be able to join them on vacation.

I love it here. I think the hardest part about vacation will be leaving! The house we are in is so beautiful and just a few houses down from the Gulf of Mexico. I have had a lot of time to retreat under the loving sheltering wings of God. I have gotten into a nice routine here- which I will try to stay close to even when I return home. It has been so life-giving and refreshing for my spirit.

I wake up and feed myself and Eli. Then we take a nice long walk of a few miles and during that quiet time while Eli is happily chilling out in his stroller checking out the sites, I have a good time of being able to focus and pray with few distractions other than an occasional smile from Eli peaking up through the back of his stroller. I have found a profound connection in my life with staying physically fit and spiritually fit. They seem to really go hand in hand. When I am neglecting one I often am neglecting the other. Both require discipline. So when I can do them both together that is all the better for me. I know I might be unique in this way- but this is a pattern I have found to be true in my life.

After our walk it is time for Eli's nap. During that time I put on my bathing suit and go soak up some rays and some Truth. I have needed to spend more time in the Word but with out it being a regularly priority and part of my routine it is often something that gets neglected. It has been wonderful to eat from the Bread of Life this week. It truly does bring abundant life in greater ways than anything on this earth could provide. I am trying to set this into my daily routine so it is a natural part of my day and existence as it truly should be and needs to be.

I do know God desires to give me rest. I need His rest and I need to enter that place. It is a place that I can choose to enter into. It is a place He invites us to, but the only way to get there is by faith. Hebrews 4:3, For only we who believe can enter his place of rest." While yes, I know this scripture is talking about eternal life- after our earthly bodies fail. I do believe it is deeper than that. I think His rest is also something we can enter into now on earth. This seems clear in Hebrews 4:6-7, "So God's rest is there for people to enter...So God set another time for entering his place of rest, and that time is today." His rest is available for us to enter into now.

He gives us this promise along with the invitation to His promised rest in Hebrew 4:10-11. "For all who enter into God's rest will find rest from their labors, just as God rested after creating the world. Let us do our best to enter that place of rest." It is a place we can go and are invited into. But we have a part to do as well. We must CHOOSE to go and do more then just go- we must go by faith and believing God's word to be true- that He will give us the rest He promises us as we come to Him.

We are bid to come to Him for rest over and over again through out scripture. In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus calls out, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light."

He calls out to us to come. He wants us to come- He knows it is for our own good. He loves us and wants us to share in His rest with Him. His yoke is light and easy. He wants to teach us. For Him to teach us we need to do our part. What is our part? To come to Him in faith. How do we come to Him? It is not usually (or ever) a cosmic mystical thing. It is practical and often ordinary. We stop what we are doing. We put our own agendas aside. We are quiet and still before Him. We love on Him and worship Him and adore Him. We tell Him those things. We give Him thanks- for there is no greater sacrifice we can give Him other than our thanks and praise. We spend time seeking Him by praying and reading His word. We spend time just being still and resting in His shadow- opening our hearts to hearing His voice. How can we expect to hear his voice if we aren't going to Him regularly to listen, and if we aren't ever quiet before Him in His presence? He has glorious riches for us within our reach- all we need to do is reach out to Him and receive the blessings He so longs to give us.

I looked up the definition of yoke and saw that it is a bond or tie that keeps things or people together. God tells us that His yoke fits perfectly. The load He gives us is light. He will not wear us down- but instead He is our wellspring of life.

Again we see the need to enter into God's rest in Psalm 91:1-2 & 4, "Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare of the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I am trusting him. He will shield you with his wings. He will shelter you with his feathers. His faithful promises are your armor and protection."

This is such a beautiful image of God's promised rest for us. He truly loves us and wants to refresh us with His presence and shelter.

I have been so weary lately as I have come to Him. I am in awe of His faithfulness to me by refreshing me and reviving my spirit. There have been some really hard days lately- and being a single mom of a one year old brings with it a lot of other challenges that only again show me my deep need to enter into God's rest. I am at a place of complete reliance on Him and His grace. He is showing me over and over that apart from Him I can do nothing. That includes rest- I need more than just a good night's sleep to be rested and refreshed and able to give to my son and others around me. I need to be refreshed by my Creator and to rest in Him.

It is amazing how much of it is simply a faith issue. As I come to Him BY FAITH I am reminded that I have all that I need in Him and that He will supply all that I need. I am reminded that He loves me and cares for me and has good things for me. I am reminded that He works all things together for the good of those who love Him. I am reminded that I do not have to be perfect to be loved- but that my acceptance is based on what Christ has done for me not on what I do for Him. Instead obedience flows out as a result of the love Christ has shown me. His kindness leads us to repentance. I am also reminded that God is a fierce God and He is to be feared. I love how perfect He is. This is something I have been reflecting on all morning. He is the perfect balance of grace and truth and love and discipline. He is humble and gentle yet fierce and mighty. There is none that can compare to His surpassing greatness. I am in awe of Him.

2 Corinthians 5:7, "That is why we live by believing and not by seeing." All that we do and our complete existence as Children of God is BY FAITH. All that we do is by faith. We do not do things based on what we see. We certainly do not live based on how we feel. This is an area that is easily gray. Our feelings seem so real to us- they seem worthy of our trust. But God does not lead us by feelings, He leads us with His truth and by His word. Although I know we have discernment and He can use our feelings to guide us- that is not what we should live our lives based on. We live by believing and not by seeing or feeling.

I know for myself I might feel one way but by taking those feelings to the cross of Christ I see that I was wrong. By replacing that with what the bible says is true I can- BY FAITH- act my way into feeling instead of feel my way in to acting. The word says God loves me and that I am His treasured possession. So when I have a feeling that says- I am not loved and when I feel lonely, as I take that to God and replace those thoughts with Truth I realize- that I am loved and accepted and wanted and appreciated- that is Truth. It is a discipline but we are supposed to be in control of our emotions and not let them be in control of us.

One huge word of encouragement I read this week has really been carrying me and helping me with this discipline. I have been meditating on this and using it to fight off doubt and discouragement I feel. 2 Corinthians 12:8, "My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness."

I have read this and re-read these words. They seemed to jump off the page to me one morning as I was weary and in need of encouragement. Now as I feel worn down I remind myself of this truth. God's gracious favor is all that I need which means that I have all that I need! I shouldn't feel as though I need more- I have all that I need. When I do feel weak even then I should feel strong and encouraged because it is then that God's power works best. That is an amazing paradox and truth. God's power works best in my weakness! That is so encouraging.

This is to me the definition of entering into God's rest. As I was weary I came to Him and He has been faithful to give me all that I need through His word, through His spirit and through other people. He has encouraged me and given me truth to strengthen me. Now I am equipped to face the day and its burdens. I have all that I need in Him. My soul feels as though it could soar because of the strength it receives from being close to the Lord Almighty's heart. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. This is a good way to discern what things are from Him and what is not.

He calls us to enter into His rest. It is a wonderful place to be. Apart from Him we have no life but in Him there is abundant life. It is ours and we can enjoy it as we come and enter into His rest.

posted by Kellie # 8:55 AM (0) comments