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Sunday, July 24, 2005

Pleasing Worship

Worship is a huge subject. There is a lot that can be said and discussed on this topic. I know there are many different ways to worship our God. This blog is not trying to tell you how to worship or the right way to worship. I am just wanting to share with you some of the things God has been reminding me of lately about worshiping Him. This is in no way exhaustive. God is looking at our hearts above all things. He longs for us to worship Him in spirit and in truth. That is something that is personal and between you and God.

I have been reading a lot of scriptures about worship lately. This has not been intentional on my part. It just seems rather that this is something God wants to reiterate to me. Recently, no matter where I have been reading in the bible, I feel like a lot of it has been reminding me of the same truths. I love how the word truly is living and active. It is always relevant. God is ALWAYS speaking through it.

I try to read God's word with the reality that indeed these are His very words that He did speak and is still speaking. When I open up my bible to read, it is just as if I am going before God. He is always wanting to say something to me as I read His word. I pray that I have ears to hear whatever it is He wants to say. I want to truly be listening. I pray as it says in Ephesians 1:17-18, "I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know Him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious saints."

That said, God has been showing me how I can better honor Him with my worship of Him. I do want to worship Him with all my mind, soul and strength (Dt 6:5, Mk 12:30). I do want to worship Him in spirit and in truth (John 4:24).

All throughout the Psalms David is worshiping God. He is a true worshipper of Him and clearly worships God in all circumstances constantly. He lives a life of worship. I want to live a life of worship like he did.

David's worship of God was not conditional and not based on his circumstances or feelings. I love this beautiful example of this in Psalm 57:4-5. Notice the difference in these two verses that seemed to have been uttered in the same breath by David.

"I am surrounded by fierce lions who greedily devour human prey- whose teeth pierce like spears and arrows, and whose tongues cut like swords. Be exalted, O God, above the highest heavens! May your glory shine over all the earth." (Ps 57:4-5)

This is such a beautiful image of worshiping God no matter what the circumstances are that we are in. He is not worshiping God for any reason other than the fact that God is worthy.

It is neat also to see that although David is clearly in a bad and hard place; he is clearly frustrated- He still gives God the worship He so rightfully deserves. He is honest before God and tells God of his problems but he doesn't dwell there too long. He knows where his help comes from. This is clear when he says in Psalm 73:26, "My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God is the strength of my heart; he is mine forever." And again in Psalm 121:1, "I lift up my eyes to the hills- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."

Seeing this truth in David is so encouraging to me. David recognized his problems and acknowledged them but he didn't dwell on them. Instead, he was steadfast. He had his eyes and heart set on God. He was purposed to worship Him. He knew that in worshiping Him and by focusing on Him all of his problems faded in God's glorious light.

I know I can analyze things so much that they become a much bigger deal than they are in actuality. As I worship God I gain His perspective. I also know that a lot of times my frustrations stem from selfish desires and motives. When my heart is set on God and worshiping Him my desires are not selfish, instead my desire it simply to please, honor and obey Him. Having God's light infiltrate my mind and thoughts by opening myself up and pouring my heart and love and affections out on Him makes my frustrations and disappointments pale in comparison.

Even though Jesus said these words many years later- David still lived this truth: Matthew 6:33, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

I like the way the Message Bible puts it in Matthew 6:30-34, "If God gives such attention to the appearance of the wildflowers- most of which are never even seen- don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."

David lived out these words. We can steep our life in the things of God as it says here by worshiping Him. I do not think any other thing helps us focus our eyes on Him better then worship of Him.

What is worship? It is exalting Him. Declaring He is God. It is magnification.

A funny side note on a definition of worship: I once heard that 'to worship' literally translated meant 'to kiss toward'. So, I was probable about 16 and I was leading worship on a Wednesday night at our church- the adult service. I was trying to inspire everyone there to really worship God. I used this definition of worship and explained how worshiping God is like kissing Him. I then went on to say that I wanted to make out with God! I was so serious at the time. But that is a phrase I have been teased about saying for years now- needless to say I didn't use that one again in a worship service.

Ok, so back to sharing some thoughts on worship. Since worship is taking our eyes off of ourselves and placing them rightfully on God and loving on Him- it does open us up to receive from God. It is amazing that as I pour out more love on God He in turn pours out more love on me. I know He always loves me just the same no matter what. That does not change. What changes is that I know and see and realize more of how deeply He loves and adores me.

So, it is important to note that we should not go to God just to receive from Him- but instead it is a result of us going to Him. It is a result of us, if even for just a brief moment, ceasing from our self-centered ways and instead focusing on Him.

These are all things I have really been working on a lot lately. I have seen this pattern to be true in my life. When I am starting to feel down and depressed or mad and angry- I take a look at my life. Have I become busy? Am I being selfish? When did I pray last? How long has it been since I gave God my best in worship of Him? Have I gotten still in His presence and loved on Him recently?

Almost always the answer to those questions when I ask them is no. I recognize that and change my wrong ways and instead go to God humbly in worship. It seems like I would know by now to live by this truth and reality- but everything in this world and in my life seems to be fighting against it. When I do go to God I can see clearly and I do have a joy that is indescribable and incomparable and a peace that passes all understanding. I do receive the hope that only comes from being close to the heart of my God.

A final aspect of worship that God has been showing me lately which I feel I should share with you is the element of thanksgiving. No, I am not talking about pilgrims and turkeys and mashed potatoes. I am talking about thanking God for the things He has chosen to give us or not give us.

I think no other thing shows God we trust Him more than when we thank Him. It shows Him that we know He is in control and that we know He is enough for us. It shows Him we know He is the supplier of all our needs. If we needed more we'd have it- He'd give it. So we clearly have all that we need and should be thankful for that. It is good that in His wisdom He holds things from us that we want and think we need that really wouldn't be best for us.

There are lots of things I want or think I need but don't have. Sometimes I get very frustrated with myself, or with others or with God because of it. But clearly if I really needed those things I would have them already. God is in control and He is sovereign. He is more than enough for me. He wants only the best for me and He knows exactly what that is.

David knew this also when he said in Psalm 73:25, "Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth."

Thanking God also reminds me of how God has been proven faithful in the past to me. It gives me confidence in Him. It is a way that He strengthens my heart. It is hard to be upset while you are being grateful. Those two feelings rarely coincide. Instead, as I begin recognizing God's blessings in my life, joy begins to overflow in me- a life giving God joy.

Psalm 50:12-15 & 23, "If I were hungry, I would not mention it to you, for all the world is mine and everything in it. I don't need the bulls you sacrifice; I don't need the blood of goats. What I want instead is your true thanks to God; I want you to fulfill your vows to the Most High. Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory. But giving thanks is a sacrifice that truly honors me. If you keep to my path, I will reveal to you the salvation of God."

This makes it clear that God highly values our thanksgiving. He wants us to give Him thanks- it truly honors Him. It is a way we can worship Him and love Him. It is a way we can show Him we trust Him.

Bottom line, I believe God is pleased with us when we simply come to Him. He desires us and our surrendered hearts to Him above all things. He longs for us and has given us a longing as well. I know I often run to the unsatisfying things the world offers to fulfill that longing- but really the only true and satiable way to appease that longing is by drawing near to God. He created us that way because He wants us to draw near to Him. He wants us. He loves us and wants to be with us. He is blessed when we come to Him. I do not think it is the 'how' we come that matters as much as the 'if' we come. He wants us and we need Him.

I will close with this cry of my heart from Psalm 63:1-8.

"O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in your sanctuary and gazed upon your power and glory. Your unfailing love is better to me than life itself; how I praise you! I will honor you as long as I live, lifting up my hands to you in prayer. You satisfy me more than the richest of foods. I will praise you with songs of joy. I lie awake thinking of you, meditating on you through the night. I think how much you have helped me; I sing for joy in the shadow of your protecting wings. I follow close behind you; your strong right hand holds me securely."

Monday, July 18, 2005

Eli has counquered his first birthday party. It was a little rough there defeating the cake- but he is strong. Icing is no contest for Mr. Eli. To see more pictures from the party and his birthday weekend celebrations click the photos link on the left side of this page.

Happy Birthday Eli

Today is the day the doctors projected as Eli's due date. Well, instead a year ago today we drove Eli home from the hospital.

Eli was born on July 16, 2004. He just celebrated his first birthday. It truly was a celebration.

A young child at church asked why do we even have a party for our first birthday since we won't ever remember it. It is true that is seems as though the first birthday is geared more to the adults then that actual child. You don't serve everyone baby food or mashed bananas. You don't only offer them milk to drink. You certainly are aloud to eat as much candy as you like and whenever you like. You aren't fed by someone else- you get the point by now. We don't plan the whole party to meet the 1 year olds needs, we plan it for the adults.

But really, as I have thought about it more, this actually makes sense. While yes, we are celebrating Eli and his life. I think we are also celebrating the fact that we made it through the first year of life. It is a huge accomplishment for the baby but also for the adults in its life. I think this is an accomplishment worth celebrating.

We certainly had a hard year to make it through. It was an accomplishment worth celebrating together.

I was sitting in church yesterday and watching my busy little Eli crawl into many different peoples laps over and over again. He is getting to be so squirmy. The realization occurred to me that yes, it really does take a whole village to raise a child. It is a task that is too hard for one person to do alone. I am so thankful God has given me such a wonderful community of family and friends to help Eli and I make it through this first year. I know they will continue to help us and encourage us as time continues to pass on.

So, details from Eli's party- if you care to know what the day looked like:

We ate Sonny's BBQ- The best and really only true BBQ on the planet! I am a BBQ snob- and am very loyal to Sonny's and their sweet BBQ sauce and baked beans. That might possibly be my absolute favorite food- it is certainly hands down, no contest- my favorite restaurant. Anyway, enough about Sonny's- I could rave on forever about them.

After lunch we opened presents- a lot of presents. This was quite overwhelming for Eli. It was time for a change of pace so we went outside to take our energy out on a poor innocent little donkey. He was pinata style and filled with candy and trinkets. This was a lot of fun to watch as we baked in the smoldering hot Florida sunshine.

To cool off we ate some ice cream cake and laughed as Eli played a pretty mean game of patty-cake with his special cake made just for him. He wasn't too into the whole thing. For about 2 seconds it was fun- but then it started to get in his eyes which made him rub them more which made more of the icing that was on his fingers go in his eyes and the cycle continued... Adding to that, he was utterly exhausted from all the stimulation the afternoon had brought, and it was a pretty loud combination. He was done and ready for his nap.

So into the crib he went and took over a 3 hour nap. While Eli was napping I showed a DVD I had made of all of the edited video I had taken of him over the past year. This was 30 minutes long and a lot of fun to watch with everyone. I enjoyed hearing their reactions. We laughed, we cried and we awed. It was a special time.

The party was over by then and we were all beginning to feel tired as our sugar highs wore off and the afternoon slump hit us all like a ton of bricks. We sat and lounged with some friends that stayed behind and then the festivities were put on pause until next year when Eli turns 2. Of course their will be plenty of other festivities between now and then- but not another birthday party for Eli until 2006.

Happy Birthday Eli.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

The Joy We Lack

Eli is such a blessing to us in the Buffington household. He is a joy and a delight. It is so neat to watch him change and grow everyday. He is learning so many new things. His newest and most fun skill is the ability to entertain himself. He can make himself laugh- and when he gets going it builds into an all out belly laugh. It is so funny and contagious. It gets us rolling on the floor in stitches too.

He loves to take some of his plastic rings and drop them on the floor. They roll around and spin to the ground and Eli finds this quite hysterical. I can tell he is pleased with himself and knows that he was the one to make the toy do such a funny thing.

I am thankful for Eli and for the joy he gives us when we are lacking and in need of comic relief. He is a constant reminder to me of the importance of have a child like faith and approach to life. I want to always laugh at the simple funny things in life. I want to find the humor in the ordinary. Laughter is one of the best medicine's that God has given us. I praise God for the gift of laughter. This is a gift I want Him to continue to give me in increasing measure.

Monday, July 11, 2005

The Father's Love

Last weekend I visited some friends in Jacksonville. There was a baby shower planned for Friday night. Part of me was nervous about going because it is always hard to see my friends with their seemingly perfect lives- husbands, babies and homes. I know we all have problems and I am not trying to sugar coat my friends lives. But it is always a reminder to me when I am with my friends of the things I long for and do not have anymore.

I pray about this a lot. I do not want to resent any of my friends. I am happy for them and thankful that they are all so blessed. It is hard because I used to be blessed with these wonderful things in life too. I am blessed in many ways- I realize this. I am trying to be content with what I have; with what God has given me. He is good and He holds the things that I think I want and instead gives me the things I really need.

It is always the most difficult for me to see the fathers with their children. Most of my friends had sons so it is just so real to see daddies with their boys. All of them were good friends with AJ and acted very similar to him. When I see them with their boys it reminds me of how AJ was with Eli. It also makes me long for Eli to have that kind of interaction. To have a father who loves him and makes him laugh and who wants the best for him. A man who can lead Eli and train him up to be a man after God's own heart.

God surprised me during all of these emotions as I was with my friends. He wouldn't let me feel sorry for myself. Instead everywhere I looked I saw blessings. I saw how God was so faithful to me to provide for me and love me and care for me and Eli. I was so thankful to have such a wonderful community of friends that really cares for Eli and me. I was filled with the joy of the Lord- a true and genuine joy.

My friends encouraged me and refreshed me. We sat together and watched a video I had made of Eli's 1st year. During the part with AJ and Eli you could hear a pin drop because everyone was listening and watching so intently. We all sat there and cried together and missed AJ together. This was good for us to do. I saw how God even used me in that to minister to them as they are trying themselves to grieve for AJ. God was very real that night and He was doing a beautiful work. I am so thankful and blessed.

Driving home from Jacksonville the work God was doing in my heart continued. I cried a lot as I was driving. Part of me was so sad and was grieving so hard- for myself and then for Eli and then for Barb and Carl. Then my tears turned into tears of joy. I was so overwhelmed with the Love God was showing me. He was so real. I could practically feel His arms enveloping me. I was speechless. All I could do was stay in His presence and cry. I felt like Mary who washed Jesus' feet with her tears.

His love was quieting me. Every word in Zephaniah 3:17 is so real and true about God and what He was doing for me in that moment. The verse says, "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

I knew He was with me. He is always with me- but sometimes more than others I realize He is with me and I have more faith to believe that He is with me. But really- He is always with me and I should always realize this and live a bold life knowing the Lord my God is with me and He is mighty to save.

He is mighty to save! He has what it takes; He knows what it takes to save and He is faithful. He will do it. He is doing it now. He has begun a good work in me and I know He is faithful to finish it as it says in Philippians 1:6, "Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

I'm realizing more and more that God really does take great delight in me. He takes great delight in all of us because He loves us and we are His children. His love for me is so overwhelming that it takes my words away and it takes the concerns and anxieties of my heart away. His love quiets me. Because of His love I am speechless before Him. His love gives me peace and comfort so again it quiets me because it is sufficient for me. With His love I do not even need anything more- there is nothing to ask Him for. His love is enough. His love quiets me.

He loves me so much that He rejoices over me with singing. I know when I am really happy a song is the only way to best express that joy. God delights in me and when He looks at me. He rejoices over me with singing. He has special songs that are just for me. How intimate is His love! How sufficient and wonderful!

He rejoices over you with singing too- He loves you so much that at the thought of you He burst into song because He is so proud of you. You are His precious child. He loves you. He delights in you. He rejoices over you because He is so proud of you.

God is so good. These past few weeks have been so encouraging and refreshing for me. God has been giving me ears to hear and heart to understand His love and His perspective. I will continue to walk with my eyes firmly fixed on Him or I won't walk at all. Apart from Him I can do nothing. Apart from Him there is no life or true joy or peace. I am content with my life and the things I have and do not have. God is showing me just how very sufficient He is. He is proving to me that He really is more than enough for me. I have joy unspeakable and a peace that passes all understanding.

I am so thankful to everyone who is praying for me. I know that a lot of people are standing with me in this. I can not walk this road alone. I am grateful for each and every person God has brought into my life and loved me through and given me grace and hope through. I pray rich blessings on each and every one of you. All of you are teaching more about what real love is. I am so blessed and so humbled and so thankful.

Friday, July 08, 2005

The 4th of July parade. What a celebration! We had so much fun on Eli's 1st Independence day. Also, I have recently added a lot of new pictures. Check them out by clicking the photos link on the left side of the page when you get a chance.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Loyally in Love

James 1:12, "Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life."

This scripture challenges my faith. I want to have my face set like flint as it says in Isaiah 50:7, "And the Master, God, stays right there and helps me, so I'm not disgraced. Therefore I set my face like flint, confident that I'll never regret this."

I want to be one who is loyally in love with God. I love that phrase and what that means- I love the words that James uses- loyally in love with God. It speaks of faithfulness and devotion. To be loyal I must first come and give Him my best and first love. He deserves it and I need to give Him that.

The reward is life and more life! What a reward. Jesus promises us abundant life. That is a full life and rich life. The abundant life comes from knowing Him and abiding in Him.

I often feel so sorry for the people of this world who do not know Christ. While obviously there are many reasons our hearts should break for them. One is that they must have such dull and boring unfulfilling lives. It is exciting to walk with God. It is abundant and so fulfilling. God is so much bigger than anything this world could ever offer and if I am living my life completely for Him then the life I live will be bigger than anything I could do in this world apart from Him.

His reward is so great! It is so wonderful to know Him and to abide in Him. Apart from Him I can do nothing. Those words are so true! I need to remember that when I am trying to do things my own way.

His ways are so much higher than our ways. I might not, well, I won't always understand them but that is Ok. I don't have to understand His ways. He never promised that. I just must submit to His ways.

He is faithful to work everything together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. He promises us that in Romans 8:28 which says, "We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."

It says everything- even things that seem impossible- good things and bad things. Things that make sense and things that are beyond our understanding- everything.

In Matthew 19:26 and again in Mark 10:27 it says, "Jesus looked at them intently and said, "Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible." Further in Luke 1:37 it goes on to say, "For nothing is impossible with God."

Those words are so encouraging. It makes me see that I need to be dreaming big dreams. I need to live an extravagant life- one lived by faith- one that shows I believe every word in scripture is true. A life that shows I believe this truth. I want to love extravagantly and not hold back. Life is too short to hold back. I want to move beyond me and my narrow-minded selfish ways and perspective. I can only do that by abiding in Christ and keeping my eyes, mind and thoughts firmly fixed on Him.

My perspective has a lot to do with how I live. Luke 18:27 says, "He replied, "What is impossible from a human perspective is possible with God." I don't want a human perspective- I want an eternal perspective.

Hebrews 12:2-3 is so encouraging and stresses the importance of where we fix our gaze. "2 Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed - that exhilarating finish in and with God - he could put up with anything along the way: cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. 3 When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!"

That does shoot adrenaline into my soul. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me as it says in Philippians 4:13. Praise God for His sufficient grace and sovereign love.

Romans 11:33 "Oh, what a wonderful God we have! How great are his riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand his decisions and his methods!"

I am thankful to know God. I am glad He is in control. I am thankful for breath and for life. These are gifts from the Father. I want to be faithful with every breath. Life is short- in the perspective of eternity I am only a mere passing shadow- here today and gone tomorrow. I will see AJ again soon. He already knows how short life is and can see from that eternal perspective things we can only imagine.

I want to make the most of the time I have been given here knowing that this is not my home. Knowing that this time here on earth is only a training ground for eternity. This is not real or even true life- this is only reflections of eternity. One day we will be home and we will have our true forms and abundant eternal life. That will be richer than anything this world could offer and richer than anything I could ever imagine. I praise God for this.

I am glad that our small depressing lives on earth are not 'it'. I am glad there is more. I am glad to serve the God of the Universe who has the whole world in His hands- who sets eternity in my heart as it says Ecclesiastes 3:11 "God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end."

There is more- we are just a small but vital part of His work. Be faithful. Live. Love. Do everything with all your heart as for working for the Lord and not for men.