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Monday, January 31, 2005
Awe and Adoration
Yesterday morning I woke up feeling God all around me. I know that with God it is not always and emotional experience. I fully understand that just because I might not "feel" God that it doesn't mean that He is still not very near me. I just consider it an extra blessing when God allows me to feel His presence. When God chooses to remind me just how real He truly is.
I woke up worshiping God. His praises were on my lips. I just couldn't seem to move from the place of awe and adoration of Him. I didn't want to move from it either. It was so nice.
As I was in my car driving to church I was worshiping God all the more. I had so much anticipation of getting to church so I could continue to worship Him. I was craving the worship service, longing to be even closer to the heart of my God. It was almost like I wouldn't find any relief from the overwhelming love I had inside of me unless I poured it out on the feet of Jesus through worshiping Him.
The love I have for Him is so strong and so real. God is such a good God. His love is very real. He is very real!
I don't live like this everyday. I don't wake up in the morning like this every morning. But I wish I could- that is what I strive towards. I want my life to be a life of worship before God. Worship goes so much more beyond just music and singing. Worship is a lifestyle. I want my life to be an act of worship before God.
I also always want to be that excited to go into the House of God on Sunday mornings. I know that God says we should not neglet the gathering of believers. I know that there is power when we come together to worship Him. I know that honors God more then I can even begin to imagine.
But most Sundays I don't appreciate coming together with His children enough. It can even just be routine and habit for me. This is not how it should be though. That does not honor my God. I wish I could have the excitement and anticipation that I had last Sunday every Sunday as I am going to church. This is something I will be praying for help with. I will now try to be more conscious of this mindset when I wake up on Sunday mornings. Trust me it was so nice!
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Don't Forget to Eat Your Vegetables
Friday night two of my good friends, Neal and Jenny, came down to visit from Jacksonville. We went out to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner. I ordered a Chinese Chicken Salad, my favorite thing on the menu. We were having a nice time and all was well. I was talking while I was eating. That was where my mistake was made.
I was excited about what I was talking about and inhaled oddly. It made me stop for a second, but I quickly got over it and continued babbling on. A few minutes later I got the urge to sneeze. My urge came and went with no action. Gosh I just hate losing a sneeze! Shortly after- aaahhhhcheeeew! I sneezed, and then I sneezed again. I always sneeze in doubles.
I thought I would feel all better after getting two good sneezes out, but still there was no relief. What was going on with me?!?-I wondered. Was I getting sick all of the sudden? Was it an odd spice in my salad? I tried to shrug it off and so I just continued eating.
Jenny excused herself from the table to go change her son Nathan's diaper. So it was just Neal and I remaining at the table. I thought that I might feel better if I blew my nose. I know it is poor manners to blow your nose at the table, but hey- we were finished eating and I was desperate for relief!
I grabbed the wet napkin from underneath my drink. I held it up to my nose, plugged my right nostril and blew as hard as I could out the left side of my nose. I immediately felt so much better! I know this is gross- but I always look at my snot after I blow my nose. I am curious to see what comes out. I figure if it is clear than all is well and I am healthy. So that was what I was checking for.
So I unfolded the napkin and took a peek at the treasures that laid inside of it that were once residing up in my nose. I was expecting the usual things like snot. Instead I found an inch long piece of lettuce!!! Can you believe it?!? I certainly could not!!! But it is so true!!!
I was a combination of absolutely disgusted and absolutely amazed. It is so weird to think that a piece of lettuce could get from inside my mouth and come out of my nose!!! How in the world did I do that? I must say I thought it was pretty cool. I have never had anything come out of my nose that was out of the ordinary. But don't worry- I certainly will not make a habit ot of doing this.
I was so impressed with my nose's capabilities to transport lettuce that I shared it with Neal. Then when Jenny got back I shared it with her too. She was quite impressed with the size of the lettuce that traveled through my nose. She was surprised to see it actually still looked just like a piece of lettuce. We all three laughed long and hard over it and for the remainder of the weekend I was the brunt of most of the jokes.
Eli also had a remarkable vegetable experience today. He had his first taste of a veggie today. I fed him sweet potatoes. He thought they were so yummy. He ate it all up so fast! It was certainly the best Eli had ever eaten off of a spoon. He kept opening his mouth asking for more.
It was fun to share this experience with him. I tasted his sweet potatoes expecting it to make me gag and it honestly was actually pretty yummy. I can see why he liked it so much. All he'd ever had was milk and rice cereal- how bland! It is nice that he can add some color and flavor to his diet, not to mention variety and variation.
I love being a mom. It is so wonderful! I love taking care of Eli and seeing him grow and do new things. I love being able to stay home with him so I am here for him when he needs me. He is so much fun and such a blessing in my life. I love watching him sleep and hearing his little sighs. I love his voice and how he careful experiments with it all the time. I love how he waves his arms and kicks his legs whenever he gets really excited. I love my Eli Jones!!! I love being his mom!!!
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Portrait of Eli Jones.
EEG
No, I did not mess up the spelling of a popular breakfast item. I am talking about a test that Eli had this past Friday.
We woke up at 6:30 in the morning because Eli was supposed to be sleep deprived for the test. That was a challenge in itself to keep my little one awake for such an early hour until his 11:00 test. He is much more of a night owl. He likes to sleep in late in the morning (9:00 usually) and once awake he is so groggy. But come 9:00 in the evening he is so active and wide awake. He still sleeps very good. Most nights he sleeps around 11 solid hours, which makes momma happy too.
Eli had wires coming out of every part of his head. He was mistaking them for toys and kept trying to yank on them. Once he realized they were not toys but instead a nuisance, he started crying. His cry turned into a small wail. (But don't worry he didn't become a sea animal!) It was good for the test that he cried though because they wanted to see him in various different states. They watched his brain as he ate, as he was awake and happy, as he was awake and mad and as he slept. It was a long test as you can imagine.
It was nice that I got to stay with him during the whole procedure. But it was stressful too. I was sitting there trying to feed him, trying to get him to sleep, and trying to keep him happy. During all that I was also watching all of the tiny lines on the computer screen go up and down, sometimes sharply. I had no idea what was normal and if what I was seeing was good or bad.
The nice thing was that we got the results from the test before we left the office. It basically showed Eli was still at risk for having seizures. He kept having sharp spikes during the test. Dr.Kojic Explained that it was those spikes that could trigger a seizure. We were really expecting to hear that news. It wasn't necessarily bad news.
The doctor said that what really matters is how he is acting and developing. She said that he was doing well and acting normal. All the results from the EEG basically meant was that he still needed to stay on his medicine. We also realized that we still need to stay on our guard and be ready to act if Eli does have a seizure. Praise God that Eli's medicine has been working so well. He has not had a seizure since he has been home from the hospital. Hopefully that will remain to be the case.
I am sharing all this to say that Eli still certainly needs your prayers. Hopefully he will grow out of his risk for having seizures and hopefully he will never have another seizure in his life. Please continue to lift up Eli and pray for a total and complete healing of his entire body.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Following the Leader
Last night was one of those nights when my mind was racing full of thoughts. I didn't sleep much last night. It took a long time to fall asleep, then, once asleep I woke up often during the night and stayed awake for a while each time I awoke. I had a lot of time to think in my dark bedroom underneath my warm bedspread litening to the lull of Eli's breaths confirming he was peacefully sound asleep. I love hearing his little snore at night, it is so sweet.
In the quiet of last night I did a lot of praying. I spent those long silent hours with God. I did a lot of soul searching and heart examinging. Asking myself, do I like the person I am daily becoming? That is a question I feel I must regularly ask myself. I am changing daily, I want to make sure the changes are making me better and drawing me closer to God and making me more like Him.
I don't want to become bitter over the death of my husband. I don't want to be selfish and feel as though the world should and does revolve around me. I don't want to feel like I should get special treatment and priviledge just because something terrible happened to me. God loves all of us the same. I want to be humble and focused on others and not myself. I want to be a blessing to those around me. I want to be used to bless others, strangers included.
I want to speak blessings over others. I believe our tongues are very powerful and can control a lot. I want to use it for good. I want to speak good things about others and be an encouragment. I do not want to complain or critize, that does not accomplish anything for the Kingdom of God.
I am far from perfect, which is exactly why I was asking God for so much help last night. I do not have this whole thing called life all figured out. I am far from being the child of God that I want to be. I have a long way to go down the Highway of Holiness mentioned throughout the scriptures. But at the same time I do not feel condemned by God. On the contrary His love for me is very real.
Even more real to me is His love for all of creation. Sometimes it is overwhelming to me. I get filled with God's love and compassion overflows in me for other people. I want to live like this. I want to always realize just how much God values every single one of His children- enough to suffer and die a shameful death on the cross. He would do it a thousand times and even if you reading this was the only person in the entire world- he would go through it all- just for you. He did it, He suffered, He died- just for you.
I miss AJ. I miss just about everything you can possible miss about a person. I miss the smell of his breath in the morning. I miss his laugh, his touch, his smile- everything. More than just things about him though- I miss how he affected me and my life. I miss being his wife. I miss making his lunch every morning and writing "I love you", or "Have a great day," or "You're the Best" on his napkin. I miss cooking dinner for him. I miss cleaning our house and washing his clothes. All these things that I took for granted while he was still here- I miss. I loved being a wife.
One of the biggest things I miss about being a wife is being lead by my husband. I felt that AJ constantly was challenging me and pushing me. He wanted me to be the best I could be. He never would let me give up. AJ held me accountable. We talked all the time about who we wanted to be. We shared sins we struggled with and in response would both help each other to live victoriously.
AJ was always sharing vision for me and for our family. He was constantly shaping who I was becoming. He lead me closer to God. I am a better person because I knew him and because he was my husband. He fulfilled every bit of what I believe God desired a husband to fulfill for his wife. I found so much comfort in being lead by him.
I miss submitting to him. I miss the security there was in allowing him to lead me. I was priviledged to come under his authority as his wife. I felt so safe there. It was so in order. I was created to be a wife and a mother. I could have told you that when I was 8 years old and I can still tell you that today.
All of you who are wives that are reading this today, don't take your husband's leadership and authority for granted. Even though submitting is not always the easiest thing to do, it is right and in God's order for you as a wife. Husbands, make sure you are taking every opportunity you have to lead your wife. Hold her accountable, love her and lead her. It is a high calling to be the leader; to be a husband. Wives, it is such a high calling for you to submit and to be a wife. I would do anything to be lead by my husband again. Those of you who still have this privledge- please use it.
Many people think submitting to a husband is a sign of weakness. I think it is anything but that- It is a sign of strength! It does not mean you lazily just sit around and have your husband tell you exactly what to do. You make decisions together, but in the end after talking through it together even if you don't agree with your husband you should still submit.
I believe that when we get to heaven and are standing before God that husbands are accountable for how well they lead us, and wives are accountable for how well we submitted. I never recognized how much peace there was in submitting to my husband. Now that I am on my own I wish I had that man along side of me to help me and lead me a guide me. I know I don't always know what is best for myself or Eli.
God didn't create women to be leaders in the home, we were created to be helpers. In Genisis 2 :18, God said, "It's not good for Man to be alone; I'll make him a helper, a companion." I loved serving AJ and helping him. I felt my role here was to help AJ be and do all God had desired for him. I just wish he was still here for me to help him and for him to lead me.
Colossians 3:18-19, "Wives, understand and support your husbands by submitting to them in ways that honor the Master. Husbands, go all out in love for your wives. Don't take advantage of them."
I know God will equip me now with all I need. But to those of you who still have a marriage- make the most of it and please don't take it for granted!
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Here is a picture of Eli with Dr. Kojic. She is such a great doctor. It has been such a great experience working with her!
Ainta Dat Good News!!!
Well Praise God!!! That is all I can say in response to Eli's visit to Dr. Kojic today. It went amazingly well- even better than I expected. Eli passed all of the doctor's tests with flying colors. Barb and I celebrated the good news by eating lollipops in the car on the way home.
While we were in the waiting room. Dr. Kojic walked in returning from lunch break. She immediately recognized Eli and remembered his name. That was so nice for me to see. We talked out there with her for a few minutes, yes we ALL talked. Even Eli joined the conversation by showing her how good he is at talking and blowing raspberries now. She was delighted to see him doing so well.
As soon as they called us back Eli had to face the scales. No, there were not fish in the office- I am talking about weight scales. He weighed in at 19lbs!!! What a big solid 6 month old boy- solid as a rock! Before I know it he is gonna weigh more than I do. Soon he won't fit so nicely on my left hip! But for now I am enjoying every second with him and every ounce of his size.
Once we were in the exam room we had to undress Eli. He was loving being able to show off and put on a show he did! He was so excited to see the new people. He sat up for them unassisted, he talked, he smiled. He did everything a 6 month old should normally be doing.
All of us here who watch Eli regularly thought he seemed normal- but it really was a relief to have the doctor confirm that for us. Dr. Kojic seemed to pleased with how well Eli was doing. It was so wonderful to know that he is acting and developing normally too.
Dr. Kojic was so wonderful today. She took so much time with us. She answered all of our questions, and she even asked us good questions too. She also took time to ask me how I was handling the death of my husband personally. It was so nice to know she cared. She surely went beyond what her duties were as Eli's doctor today.
She played with Eli and made him laugh. I could tell she was sincerely interested in Eli and in his well being. Through all the playing she saw that Eli was a bit slower at opening and using his left hand than his right hand. But she said, with a little work, soon he should be using them equally.
Dr. Kojic also said she did not see any need for Eli to have any therapy. That was such an answer to many prayers to hear all of this from her today! When we left the hospital Eli was supposed to be having therapy 6 times a week. Now he has healed so well that he does not need any therapy at all.
I found out a lot more today about what actually happened to Eli in the accident. This news just confirmed how great the miracle is to see Eli doing so well.
Eli had multiple strokes on both sides of his frontal lobes in his brain. The strokes were cause by the brain contusions which is a fancy way of saying Eli was bleeding on his brain. The blood on his brain is also what caused the seizures he was having. The seizures and lack of oxygen during them in combination with the strokes is what caused Eli's weakness on his left side of his body. I also found out that Eli had fractures on the back of his head where it meets his neck. No wonder he couldn't hold up his head- it probably was hurting him so bad- ouch! Poor little guy.
But as I have been saying and as Dr. Kojic made clear- Eli is healing beautifully. He is doing so well. But even with this good report there are still more follow-up tests to be done. Eli has an EEG scheduled for January 28th and after that he will have to go back to the hospital to have a MRI done on his brain. Hopefully the results from these tests with again confirm Eli's wonderful progress.
Eli will still need to remain on his medicine twice a day. He is taking Phenobarbital for his seizures. He used to really hate getting his medicine but now he doesn't mind it so much. I try to get it over with as fast as possible. I always give it to him in his bouncer so he can play and be distracted while he is tasting that yucky medicine. This has helped him not notice the taste so much.
Eli is a strong boy. He is a fighter. He has been fighting so hard to get better. He was and is determined to do things and to use both sides of his body. He loves to explore his world and to learn about all that is going on around him. These traits have helped him so far in his life and I am sure they will continue to aid him as he walks down this road he will travel.
God is so good. Thank you to everyone who has been praying for Eli! Even more so- God thank you for answering our prayers with a yes. I heard someone say, or maybe I read it somewhere- I don't really remember, that God ALWAYS hears our prayers and He ALWAYS answers them. It is just that sometimes His answer is no.
I believe we have all witnessed a miracle. This was just such great news. Again Eli is such a reason for me to smile. Again I have even more reason to declare that God is good and Jesus is Lord- as if I ever needed a reason at all!
Monday, January 24, 2005
Eli is exploring his world by experimenting with how his voice changes when he moves his tongue.
Update on Eli
Eli is doing well these days. As you all have seen by the pictures he is sitting up on his own now and he can even stand up by himself if he has a table to hold onto. It is amazing to see how fast he is changing all of the sudden.
It is odd, it seems like the 1st 6 months of his life he really didn't do too much. He just ate, slept and pooped with an occasional smile thrown into the mix as well. Now that he is 6 months old he is so busy doing so many things. He is changing daily now- making new discoveries and taking new risks. I just love watching him as he explores his world and plays with his toys.
Eli is in a new faze where he really doesn't like taking baths. When he was a newborn he hated baths but grew out of that and started enjoying them. Now for some reason he hates them again. The past 2 baths I have given them we filled with crying. I was trying to be nice and play with him. I gave him toys and let him splash in the water but nothing worked. He just did not want to be wet! Hopefully he'll grow out of this and start to enjoy bathtime again.
Eli is discovering his voice and all the different things his tongue can do. He makes many different sounds and moves his tongue all around in and out of his mouth to see how that manipulates the sounds. It is pretty funny to watch. He also loves to blow raspberries now. He will breathe in oxygen and breathe out a raspberry. He will just sit and go through this process with every breath. It is so funny. He is good at making me laugh.
Yesterday during Eli's nap he started to cry. Eli takes great naps and does not usually cry so I went in his room to check on him. You won't believe what I saw! Eli was laying on his belly. He has never flipped himself over from his back to his belly before. He has pretty much mastered rolling from his back to his front but not front to back. Eli really doesn't like being on his tummy, it usually makes him cry if he is there too long. That was why he was crying. He went to sleep and had a great nap once I put him back down to sleep on his back like he is used to.
Please pray for Eli tomorrow. He has an appointment with the Neurologist. This is his first appointment with Dr. Kojic since he was released from the hospital. I am hoping for a good report tomorrow. He seems normal and healthy to me, hopefully Dr. Kojic with all her expertise will agree. His appointment is at 1:00. If you remember tomorrow around that time- pray for wisdom for the doctors. If there is anything out of the ordinary I want her to find and recognize it. But also I don't want her to think something is wrong if there actually is not. Pray as well, that if the news is not good- that I have grace to handle it.
Eli truly blesses my heart. I will love him no matter who he is or what he does. He is such a precious little boy. He loves to snuggle up on a shoulder and relax. He is being used to heal my heart. He is the best thing AJ could have left. He is a blessing and I am so thankful for my little man. I just pray that I can be faithful to God with the incredible task he had entrusted to me of raising Eli. I want Eli to be passionate for God, to desire Him and to do His will obediently. I want Eli to worship God with his whole heart for all his days. I know that I can not do this alone. I pray everyday that God would give me grace and wisdom. I pray that I would honor God by how I interact with Eli. I pray for God's help.
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Ok so I know I am a true "southern" girl. I made fried okra last night for the very first time. It was so delicious. Here's how it was done- in case you feel like giving it a try. Buy raw Okra from the store. Wash it and cut off both ends, then cut it up into chunks. Take two large baggies. In one pour a mixture of scrammbled eggs and milk. In the other pour flour, salt, pepper and cajun seasonings. First put all okra bits into bag with egg mixture and shake it up till all peices are coated evenly. Next put the wet okra into the bag with flour mixture. Shake it all up again till all peices are coated with the flour. Heat up olive oil on high heat in pan- you will need it to be at least 1/2 inch deep. Place a spoonfull of prepared okra in pan and enjoy the sizzle. Once it starts to brown remove okra and place it on a plate with a paper towel over it. Salt hot Okra immediatly. Repeat till all okra is cooked. This was so yummy. If you try it- let me know how it turns out. It was pretty easy and really fun to cook!
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Exodus
Psalm 84:5-7 says: "And how blessed all those in whom you live; whose lives become roads you travel; They wind through lonesome valleys, come upon brooks, discover cool springs and pools brimming with rain! God-traveled, these roads curve up the mountain, and at last turn- Zion! God in full view!"
God surely is living in me- of this I have no doubt! Because of this fact I am blessed. One thing interesting that is also clear to me in this passage is the fact that even though Christ is alive in me and even though I am blessed I will still wind through lonesome valleys.
These valleys seem inevitable. No where does God promise us that this road will be easy that we are called to walk as Children of God. On the contrary as is evident here we must walk through them. When we face a lonesome valley God's grace surely meets us there- but only as we walk through it. He will bless us and carry us and walk with us every step of the way- but it is still a walk THROUGH the valley.
God does not say that He will take us around the valley to refreshing peaceful waters. He does not say we will walk over or under the valley- but instead we must walk THROUGH the valley. Through it is where we will find brooks, cool springs and pools brimming with rain.
The Webster's dictionary definition of the word valley is, "An elongated lowland between ranges of mountains, hills, or other uplands."
Think of this definition in a spiritual light. God's word says that He leads us from "glory to glory," but what about the time in between? There are valleys in between the mountains. But through the valley, no matter how long, eventually you will come upon another mountain; another glory.
I am surely in a valley now as I grieve the death of my husband. The mountain I seemed to fall from was so high and this valley seems so low, so dry, so barren and so lonely. But what a promise here in psalm 84! There is so much hope here. I will cling to God as I walk through this valley and I will walk. It is only as I am continuing to walk through this that the rest of the promise in Psalm 84 can become real to me from God.
God has done His part, He is faithful and true. I have a part to do as well. I believe that I play a part in determining how long it will take to walk through this valley I am in. The glory I will find at the mountain at the end of this valley is also in a large part up to me. Like I have been saying- we live in a fallen world and in this world God gives us freedom of choice. He has His plan and His will but we must choose to obey and follow Him.
In the Exodus when Moses lead God's children out of Egypt, God wanted to bring them into the promised land. He wanted Mosed to bring them THROUGH the valley and to the mountain. He want to bring them out of the bodage and hardships they were in and into glory and give them blessings.
As you read this story in Exodus there is a major glitch in the story. The journey from Egypt to the promised land should have only taken them 40 days. That is it! But they did not get there in 40 days- it took them 40 years to get to the promised land! Why such a discrepancy God?
If the children of God had simply obeyed and trusted God they would have reached the promise land much sooner and with greater ease. Instead though, they chose not to believe God and they put their trust in man and in their own strength. They walked around in the dessert basically in circles for 40 years. It took them that long to realize that God was the only way to get through the valley and to the promised land.
As I am now in this valley I want to learn from these mistakes written about in Exodus. I don't want it to take 40 years to get through this. I want to be completely obedient to God. I want to submit to Him and surrender all of myself to Him. He didn't promise it would be easy but He did promise me His help. Together we will get through it. I want to get through it and get out of this valley. I have excitement in me of the glorious mountains that are ahead of me.
I will keep on walking and keep on obeying. God will never stop leading me. God will NEVER leave me- it is only myself who is capable of such a thing. The only way I can get away from God is if I chose to leave him. The biggest way to leave Him is through sin. Sin separates us from God- that is why it grieves His heart! He wants us to be with Him and to want Him. I do want Him and I do want to be with Him.
I will close with this echo of my heart-Psalm 23:3-4, " True to your word; you let me catch my breath and send me in the right direction. Even when the way goes through Death Valley, I'm not afraid when you walk by my side. Your trusy shepherd's crook makes me feel secure." (The Message Bible)
Sunday, January 16, 2005
After driving over 200 miles and going to 5 Targets, 2 Babies R Us', 2 Burlington Coat Factories, 1 Biglots and 1 Walmart I FINALLY found Eli a highchair. The 2nd Burlington Coat Factory was the winner. I wasn't being choosy, there just was absolutely no stock of highchairs anywhere! Isn't that crazy? Well, at least I finally have one- feeding him in the stroller was getting pretty annoying and messy!
Levity by Flatulence
My senior quote in my highschool yearbook was, "Gas is God's gift to lighten heavy situations."
The older I get the more I think that statement is so true!
If you were having a huge fight with someone and then all of the sudden one of you "toots"- you are gonna laugh! Suddenly you might not be so angry at that person.
If you are so upset and just in a grumpy mood and someone "fluffers"- you are gonna laugh! Suddenly the moment is not so gloomy.
If you are sad and your heart is heavy and there is a "break in the wind"- you are gonna laugh! Suddenly you are a bit more light hearted.
See how much of a gift gas is to us. God definitely must have a sense of humor- He must laugh!
Today in church Eli "cut the cheese" very loudly. His timing was impeccable. You know in church how there are those moments when it is totally silent, like right before someone is about to pray. Well, twice today in church Eli took advantage of those quiet moments to let himself be heard.
Everyone around me was trying so hard not to laugh. I didn't even bother trying- I just started laughing because it was so loud and so funny! He is such a little man!!!
Another funny time Eli farted very loudly was on the IJM staff retreat. (
www.IJM.org) Gary Haugen was giving a talk on silence. He ended his talk by showing a video to all of us. The video was totally silent, we were reading captions. The room was equally as silent- well, till Eli released a tummy bubble.
Again Eli and I became the center of attention. It was obvious that those around me were holding back their laughs. I could hardly breathe because I was trying so hard not to burst out into a belly laugh. It really was funny.
I think what makes these poots so hysterical is his timing. Also, you know how things are always so much funnier when you are in a situation where laughing is inappropriate? I think that is why Eli's flatulence is to much more memorable at these times.
I am sure all of us have our own stories we could share of how flatulence truly brought levity to a situation. If you have a sec- post a comment and share a funny flatulence story.
Friday, January 14, 2005
Never Underestimate the Power of Silence
I know I have not been around here on this earth for a very long time. Most people have lived more years here than I have. But yet I feel as though I have experienced more in my short lifetime than most ever come to live through. I do not for one instant sit here and even begin to think that I have wisdom or that I have learned all there is to know. All I know is that I have a lot more to learn.
Still, through the past experiences that I have been through and with all I am walking through now, I have learned many things. One of the major things I have learned is the importance of silence.
God reminded me of how important this really is yesterday in a very powerful way.
Some days are just harder than others. I don't know what makes them harder, they seem like ordinary days- but for some reason they are just harder. Yesterday was one of those days for me. Maybe what makes them harder is that everything is more intense and more emotional.
I know when I start to get overwhelmed that I need to run as fast as I can back into the arms of my Savior; my Creator; my God. One of the best places for me to meet God is when I am at my piano. I go there and I play and just worship Him. It helps me completely abandon myself to Him.
After nearly an hour of playing various worship songs and loving on God I began to leave the written music on the pages before me and enter into an open free worship, letting my fingers just play what ever they played. In doing that I became overwhelmed with the Spirit. This hasn't happened many times in my life at all. It was so real, like God was just right there with me. I could almost feel His hands brushing over my hands as I played. I could practically feel His breath on the small hairs on the back of my neck. It was good. It was intense. It was overwhelming.
It became so overwhelming and real that I could no longer bring my fingers to move across the piano. I began just playing one note over and over again. I know this probably sounds weird but it was like I was having a conversation with God in my spirit through all of this.
The intensity continued to grow.....
Silence.....................................................................
There was then a very long period of silence. It was the loudest silence I had ever heard. God met me there in that silence. He was so present. I couldn't and wouldn't even attempt to speak or make a sound- not that I would have been capable even if I wanted to.
It was amazing.
I can't tell you a specific thing God spoke to me yesterday. It was more like He just dumped loads of peace deep into the well of my spirit. He was comforting me and encouraging me. He was loving on me.
Sometimes I am afraid of silence. There is so much that we hear and have to face when we allow ourselves to enter into silence. I have found in my life that when God wants to speak to me, He usually waits until I am silent and I give Him a chance to speak to me.
Our culture seems anti-silence. There is sound all around us-between the hum of the AC and fluorescent lights, the radio, the TV, and even the words on pages make noise. It is an amazing feat to come apart into silence. To get away and get quiet.
I am challenging myself to spend more time in silence before God. To spend less time talking and more time listening. I am challenging you as well. I know this much- the silence is not always comfortable, but it is ALWAYS good.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
He is definately a healthy boy. He is not even 6 months old and he can stand up by himself! He is literally a standing miracle! Praise God for Eli's complete recovery.
Monday, January 10, 2005
New Bodies
"So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.
This is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For we know that when this earthy tent we live in is taken down- when we die and leave these bodies- we will have a home in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not human hands. We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long for the day when we will put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. For we will not be spirits without bodies, but we will put on new heavenly bodies. Our dying bodies make us groan and sigh, But it's not that we want to die and have no bodies at all. We want to slip into our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by everlasting life. God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his holy spirit."
2 Corinthians 4:17-18, 5: 1-5
That is amazing to realize that AJ has his new body now. It is so odd for me to realize this. It is so unfathomable to my mind. I can't even imagine what his new body is like. I am sure it is wonderful and marvelous and glorious- WOW! He is perfect now,(he was pretty close though while he was here on earth!)
I miss him. As we get further and further away from the accident one might think that the days are getting easier. They are not. As more time goes on I only miss him more- his smell, his voice, his face.
Also with the time that passes are the changes in Eli. Eli is changing so much and so fast and it breaks my heart that AJ can't see him. He'd be so proud to know that Eli can roll over and stand on his own at the coffee table and eat with a spoon. I know he must see these things somehow I hope. I just wish Eli had a daddy still.
As you probably know by now Pete (AJ's brother) and Sara Buffington had their baby last wednesday. I knew going into it as her due date was approaching that it was going be to be a hard day. It was even harder than I expected. I cried a lot that day.
I cried for many reasons. I cried because I wished I could have shared the news and joy with AJ. I cried because I knew how much AJ had prayed for Pete and Sara to get pregnant and how excited he was when he knew that they finally were. I cried because I know Pete and Sara would have been so proud to show their baby girl off to AJ. I cried because hearing the excitment in Pete's voice over being a dad reminded me of how proud AJ was to be a dad.
I really did want to be happy for Pete and Sara, but there wasn't much happy left in me. It was too hard, I was too sad.
I had to come away with my Creator, it was all I could do to get through the day. I went to the piano and just played and worshiped God. And in His faithfulness He was again so good and He met me right there. I got my perspective back on Him and I let Him love on me as I loved on Him.
After worshiping God I felt relieved. I had that peace that passes understanding that is talked about in the scriptures. There is so much power in simply loving on God.
I sometimes feel selfish because I feel like I leave worshiping God so blessed and with so much more than I came to Him with. I leave with peace and joy unspeakable. It seems selfish because I am really there to bless Him and give Him myself and my love, but instead He lavishly pours out His grace on me.
He is such a good God. I am so thankful that He is the living God and that I can have a living real relationship with Him. He is the only way I can and am getting through this. I am even doing more than just scraping by. I am laughing, expressing real smiles, and filled with hope for tomorrow. Through my tears I can still see the light. That is a blessing. I am thankful God has taken the time to hold me and comfort me. He is truly the comforter of my soul.
Friday, January 07, 2005
Birthday
Announcing the joyous birth of baby Jesus, oh wait that was 2 weeks ago.
Announcing the joyous birth of Abigail Jane Buffington- Eli's 1st cousin. I am an Aunt for the first time to a 7lb 2 oz beautiful baby girl. She was born at 8:22 am on January 5th. Her proud parents are Peter and Sara Buffington.
AJ designed a website for the Buffington family called
www.allthebuffs.com check it out for the latest updates and pictures of Abigail. Pete and Sara's page is under the Charles City link. They are still in the hospital so I don't know if they have any pictures up but hopefully they will be showing their beautiful girl off to the world soon.
Monday, January 03, 2005
Rice somersaults
Wow, I was checking email and Eli was lying on the bed next to me. He was having "tummy time" which is just what is sounds like- time playing on his tummy. Eli Doesn't like tummy time so much at all. He doesn't really know what to do with himself.
Well, just now- today- he ROLLED OVER for the very first time in his entire life, well that is only 5 1/2 months!
So yeah I know he's not doing somersaults yet- but it's not going to be long till he can. Wow my little boy can roll over now- that is a big mobility milestone!
The other big first with Eli Jones is that he ate off of a spoon for the first time in his life yesterday. I just now started feeding him Rice Cereal mixed with my breastmilk. He wasn't too sure how to handle the whole process, but being 100% boy, he loved the fact that he got to get all messy. He had the rice cereal all over him! I am still cleaning it out of the creases in his neck- silly boy. It is fun entering this whole new stage with him. He is changing so much everyday. I know it isn't long before he is sitting up too.
Eli gives me such a big reason to smile really big, especially when he decides to smile really big! What a blessing! Thank you Eli Jones for being my son- you're the best.
