Endure
I feel like it's been so long since I have been able to write a nice long inspired blog. I know God has been teaching me much in this season. Surely there is much to be writing about- yet each time I come to write lately it ends up being a call to more prayer or an update on Eli. I know this is good to write about but I do not want to neglect delving deeper and writing about some of the challenging things God is putting on my heart.
I am in a season where I know God is holding me. He is holding me so tightly I can almost literally feel His hands surrounding me. I know this is due in a major part to all the prayer going out for us. That is something so clear to me in this season: my own utter and complete inability apart from Christ and His grace. I can't take credit for anything apart from Him. Something so simple as a laugh is even a gift from His Spirit. He has given me more than a simple laugh, He has blessed me with joy despite all the hardships I see surrounding me. He is my reason to rejoice and He gives me the strength to smile- even sometimes to my own surprise.
I have referenced this verse many times already, but it is such a meaningful verse worth reflecting on often. Carl recently preached a sermon on this verse opening it up to new depths for me. Isaiah 40:31, "But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." The interesting point he made is that while we might not be able to fly or run given our circumstances of the season, God will still uphold us and we will not faint. Sometimes the miracle is merely in the 'not fainting'.
This is where I find myself now. It doesn't feel like I'm flying on eagles wings or tirelessly running. But I am not fainting. I wake up and thank God that His mercies are new each morning. I ask Him to walk with me by His mercy and grace through out the day that I might not faint. Day after day He is more than faithful. He will never let me go. His strong right arm is always supporting me. Even as new burdens seem to come my way He always is right there providing the grace to walk and not faint. This is a miracle. This is a beautiful demonstration of His unfailing love.
I wish I had more to offer to others. I wish there was more energy and grace available in me that I could pour out onto others. The love God has shown me is so extravagantly wonderful, I want to pass it on. Yet I find myself in a season where I am requiring so much that there is little left for me to offer to those around me. I wish I was able to soar like the eagle. I wish I was in a season of being able to run, doing much for His Kingdom. I am praying for God to stretch my heart, to empower me to love more as He loves, to lay aside my selfishness and own personal comforts, agendas and fears.
I know the richer life is the more generous life. I want to be more generous. Not just materialisticly, but spiritually and emotionally. To pray for others more than I pray for my own needs, to listen more and talk less when having a conversation with someone, to find specific spontaneous ways to encourage those around me and let them know they are special and appreciated. Oh that God would give me a heart like His. As I wait in His presence this is what I beg for: to know Him more; to reflect Him more.
With all this generosity there must come a humility close by. I need this as well. I do not want to be generous for the sake of being important and well respected and appreciated. I do not want my motive to be self-seeking, but too often it is. It feels good to do something good for someone else. I know that is part of the reward God gives but it should not be the motive behind the action. I desire humility because apart from that none of my plans or good intentions will succeed.
I have heard pride defined as any action done apart from Christ. Humility would in turn be the opposite, any action done with Christ. Christ is the motive, Christ is the source, Christ is where the ability comes from to truly love well, to be generous with others. So the simple desire must be more of Christ. More of Christ begets more humility begets more generosity begets loving well. Oh how much more of Christ I desperately need!
It has been a hard and exhausting season for me. But I know God's grace is sufficient for me. He proves this to me time and again. I know that when it seems overwhelming it is because I am carrying a burden He longs to carry. I know it is then, most of all, that I need to get away and hide with Him in His presence and lay my burdens back down at His feet. (I seem to have a way of picking them back up again.)
I must continue to go into His presence and abide in Him. This is where I am filled with love, joy and peace. This is where my load is lightened. This is where I receive His yoke. In His presence there is fullness of joy. This is what is meant by the command (not recommendation) to rejoice in the Lord always. Joy in Him. Joy in His presence. It is a constant thing. Constant abiding. Constant joy coming from constant union with Him; coming from surrendering all anxiety and burdens to Him; coming from trusting Him with all to be all.
"Do not forget to meet all your difficulties with love and laughter. Be assured that I am with you. Remember, remember it is the last few yards that tell. Do not fail me. I cannot fail you. Rest in My love. How many of the world's prayers have gone unanswered because My children who prayed did not endure to the end. They thought it was too late, and that they must act for themselves, that I was not going to act for them. Remember My words: 'He that endureth to the end, the same shall be saved.'...My children, is My training too hard? For you, My children, I will unlock the secret treasures hidden from so many. Not one of your cries is unheard. I am with you indeed to aid you. Go through all I have said to you, and live in every detail as I have enjoined you. As you follow implicitly all I say, success-spiritual, mental and physical-shall be yours. Wait in silence awhile, conscious of My presence, in which you must live and have rest unto your souls, and Power and Joy and Peace." (A.J. Russell's God Calling, page 43.)
These words offer such comfort and perspective. Not one of my cries is unheard. With God, to hear is to answer. He is close to the brokenhearted. His love is unfailing. He will never let me down. My cries pierce His heart. He is the answer. He is my sufficiency. He is my supply. His power is more than I can fathom. He is enough, more than enough. He is the Rock- faith in Him.
I need to see Him and know Him more. I need to know this power and strength. I have been meditating on the power of Christ, the power displayed in His cross. Reading this further offered a beautiful insite and perspective: "My strength is the same as that in which I conquered Satan in the Wilderness-depression and sorrow in the Garden, and even Death on Calvary. Think of that." (A.J. Russell's God Calling, page 23.)
Ever since I read this I have been thinking upon that- the power of Christ. Christ has always been. His power is constant. I often reflect on the Cross as this great display and outpouring of power. It was no doubt this. I am not taking any power out of the work of the cross, rather I am realizing that this power, the power of Christ knows no bounds and is ceaseless. It existed when God was creating light and setting boundaries to the oceans (John 1). It existed in the manger, it existed when Christ bent down and wrote in the dirt (John 8), it existed in the wilderness, it existed on the cross and it still exists today. Christ's power will continue to exist in unending glory for all eternity! That is a power-ful thought and reality.
To meditate on Christ, even the power in His name alone, would quickly ease the anxieties of this life. More of Him. Rest in Him, conscious of His presence, conscious of His power. This same power we saw on the cross is available to you and me alike. He is there ready to offer it to us would we simply come to Him, abide in Him. He is calling, He is able, He is longing to meet our longing. God is not in our worrying, He is in our worship. Leave the worries at His feet and worship Him. This is where His power can flow- in our worship. Worry does not release His power. Worship opens the floodgates of heaven.
I know it is when the pressures of life squeeze us most that we seem to want to run from the Presence. I do this yet I do not understand it. I am intimidated by entering the Silence, not wanting to give the energy I think the Hiding away requires. When in actuality, it's when I press on into His presence that I am filled and refreshed. This is where I am equipped for anything that comes my way. Oh that I could see this in the moments when I feel the tug strongest and respond by a substitute counterfeit.
More of Him. Away with Him. Rest in His love and let His songs of deliverance and peace wash over all anxiety, unrest and doubt. Peace, Love, Joy, and Laughter in Him- this is communion with the Savior. May this be my sole desire. Endure with Him. In time the walk will become a run and the run will soon begin to soar. One day at a time. Moment by moment, kept in His love.
posted by Kellie # 9:59 PM
