Seagull Gawks
My dad gave Eli and me a jogging stroller for Christmas this year. This is such a wonderful and practical gift for us. We go on walks nearly everyday- it is a time we both look forward to. I can finally at least pretend to be a hip and cool athletic mom since I have a jogging stroller now- I can look the part now for whatever that is worth.
I am visiting friends and family for a quick trip up in Jacksonville right now. Last night I went to bed excited with anticipation. What was all the hype about you might ask? Well, I had a big date. With who you might ask? Well, here is how it all went down...
I haven't been able to walk on the beach with Eli since he was born because I never had a stroller that would push through the sand which is one of the main reasons I saw for me to get a jogger. I have missed long walks on the beach throughout this past year and a half. I am sure there are many days it could have been very beneficial to both Eli and me. The fresh salt air, the sand exfoliating our skin and leaving it soft, the seabreeze giving us great manageable hair, but there is yet a greater thing that happens when I am at the beach that I often go there seeking...
It seems as though the curtain separating myself and God is thinner when I am at the beach. He doesn't seem quite as distant. I find it much easier to let myself be still in His presence; to let Him be God and to marvel at that incomprehensible simple fact. It is easier to listen there; easier to trust.
Seeing how God is able to contain such a wildly vast and fierce ocean within set limits is such a display of His awesome might, wisdom and power which constantly reminds me that He can handle everything in my life. He is perfectly capable of being in control and keeping me in His will. He is strong and has more than what it takes. He is what it takes. He wants me to allow Him to be Lord over my life and loose my fingers from holding my script so tightly. At the beach it is easier for me to let go and let God.
So what was the excited anticipation as I went to bed last night for? It was for my date with God that was planned for this morning.
I woke up to a beautiful Florida morning. The sky was crystal blue with faint white wispy clouds sporadically decorating the vast sapphire. It was about 68 degrees outside, the sun was warm and there was a gentle ocean breeze which combined with a fleece sweatshirt made it nearly the perfect temperature.
Jacksonville beaches are big and beautiful. They are wide flat beaches that seemingly never end. The waves were calm and constant this morning lapping at the seagulls which were out in full force, often flocking around one of the many nearby shrimpin' boats grazing shockingly close to the shore.
The stroller was smooth and well equipped for the sandy terrain. We were off on our journey; the three of us.
It was a wonderful refreshing date. I will not share much of what happened during our time because I want to guard the intimacy of it. It was good and much needed. I long to return there again soon. To meet God at this place again. I know He is everywhere, that He is never limited to the beach. But just as in our human relationships we enjoy having our special 'places' we like to frequent with the one we love, I think the same is true in our relationship with God.
There are certainly places I have that are sacred to me. Places I have where I know I can go to meet God; places where His presence seems more real to me and tangible. The beach is one of those places for me, as I would imagine it is for many people. I praise God for creating beaches for us to enjoy as a way to entice us to come and commune with Him- to woe us there, to love us through, to meet us at.
This morning at the beach was Eli's first time there as a walker. After our time mobile in the stroller I let him get down and play. He was beside himself with delightful excitement running up and down the beach clapping his hands. This in itself was a gift from God coming like a refreshing and encouraging hug.
Eli would run near the seagulls and do the funniest thing: As he approached them the birds would gawk and make their screeching seagull noises. Eli would get excited and laugh at their sounds and then try to imitate them! He was actually quite a convincing little seagull. He does a great seagull imitation to my surprise. I was laughing so hard with him over this. We were having tons of fun together.
Seeing Eli enjoy himself so much at the beach this morning made me stop and realize an interesting thing: We go through life together day in and day out, he is changing so fast and learning new things every day. I often forget that he can't really talk yet. You might think that is obvious because he is still a baby and babies can't talk. But this is significant.
Eli and I communicate so much through out the day. I know him and we have a relationship that continues to grow deeper despite any conversational exchanges between us. I know him and his personality, what he likes, what excites him and what frustrates him. I know what his favorite shoes are, blue and green high-top lace-up sneakers. I know he likes order and things in their places. I know he loves me and knows that he is loved, and I know he is compassionate, caring and sensitive when others are sad. I am learning these things- but yet his vocabulary only consists of a few simple one syllable words.
This revelation opened my eyes to the intricate and influential world of non-verbal communication. I see even more now that so much really is relayed in what we don't say instead of with the words we speak. It is neat to experience this firsthand with Eli. I am thankful for this, so thankful to be learning more about who he is, yet evenmore thankful to love him more everyday, although I am sure I would love him no matter who he is simply because he is my son!
(There is a whole other blog in that statement right there. Parenting is such a glimpse into the unconditional love of God. Just as I would love Eli and be proud to call him my son no matter who he is- I see how God loves us with the same love- only exponentially and unfathomably greater.)
I am thankful for the privilege of being Eli's mom. I am thankful for all the many ways each day God uses Eli and our relationship to edify me and teach me more about His character, who He is and how He loves. This is to me the best job I could ever have in the entire world- so what if the paychecks come in a more abstract form and I never am allowed to have sick days, so what if there is no such thing as comp time, so what if there are no 401K options. I love my job and know it is the perfect job for me, something I was created to do. I am thankful to be entrusted with this task and thankful to be able to invest my time in this not so little life. What God does through me today will affect the rest of eternity. I want to use my time wisely and faithfully.
AJ's death often brings me back to the realization that life is short. We need to be faithful with all we've been given and hold nothing back out of fear, selfishness or laziness. We need to live boldly and love extravagantly. These are not times for comfort zones and boxes but instead times to break the mold and live- to shoulder up our crosses, fix our gaze on Christ- setting our faces like flint walk into the light.
posted by Kellie # 12:36 AM
