Apple Jacks and Butterflies
Apple Jacks.
I few months ago on Palm Sunday weekend I decided to cook a southern meal of Jambalya and fried okra for a friend who was in town visiting. The afternoon was going smoothly. We were 'chilling' out and taking our time cooking dinner. Then things suddenly began to get 'fired' up- so fired up that I burned our kitchen down! It was a huge mess. I felt so awful about it all. Praise God that Carl and Barb are so gracious and understanding. Their generosity in forgiving me taught me so much and was very challenging for me to extend that same grace to others.
For the past few months- ever since the fire- we have been living in a partial kitchen that used to be white but now is a grayish charcoal color. It has taken a long time to get everything cleaned up and all the logistics passed with the insurance in order to have the kitchen restored.
The time has finally come and the destruction has begun. The kitchen is being completely overhauled and remodeled. This is a huge task that will take several weeks to finish. We are not doing the work ourselves so there are constantly other people around making messes and noise in the house. They took our sink, our cabinets and our stove away! Can you believe the nerve of these people- they even took our counter tops right out from underneath us.
Barb woke me up the other morning around 7:30 and said that if I wanted to get anything to eat for breakfast I'd better do it now because they were taping up our fridgerator! This was absolute craziness. It is an odd feeling to be in your home and not be able to use it.
So I rushed out of bed and woke Eli up- who of course needed to be able to eat his breakfast as well. We ducked under ladders and around strange men we had never seen before. We reached under the plastic drapes and managed to scrounge up what we needed for breakfast.
My favorite meal of the day is definitely breakfast. Some nights I go to bed excited because I know the next thing I will get to do is wake up thank God for the new day and eat some breakfast. I mainly like breakfast because I like cereal so much. I would eat it for every meal if I could- but reasoning and good judgment reminds me that it is not a good way to be faithful with all that God has given me, i.e. my body and health.
In the quick rush to get breakfast before the painters started covering up my fried okra remnants I grabbed the apple jacks off the shelf in the pantry. I had just bought them so the box was unopened. It has been a long time since I had eaten Apple Jacks. AJ and I were on a huge Apple Jack kick in the few months before he died. Well, the Apple Jacks we ate were the normal small sized rings- they weren't huge, but the amount we ate was what was huge.
In the weeks before we moved to Miami- but when we knew we were going to be living there we would eat our Apple Jacks together and imagine with great joy and excitement the future relishes of eating Apple Jacks on our balcony over looking Biscayne Bay and South Beach. We moved to Miami and I remember the first morning when we woke up and excitedly heard the cling of the small rings against the porcelain bowls. We felt the ocean breeze in our hair and could smell the salt. We smiled at each other and noted that we had made it- we were sitting on our balcony overlooking Biscayne Bay and South Beach Miami enjoying Apple Jacks TOGETHER. All was well in that moment. Eli, bouncing away in his bouncer so contentedly. AJ sitting across from me at our black iron cafe table that he had given me earlier that year for mother's day.
It was a beautiful day and an equally beautiful moment. It is such a sweet memory. The other morning as I sat on the back porch at the Buffington's house, because the kitchen was in disarray, it was the first time I had eaten breakfast outside since the accident- and one of the first times I had eat Apple Jacks. That combinations was a sobering sweet nostalgia.
That moment brought me vividly back to the time AJ and I shared a sweet morning meal together in our last days we had together. Gosh, I am being overcome now by emotion as I type this. I feel like my words are so insufficient in describing how sweet this memory is. I know as one reading this you might think this seems rather ordinary, simple and insignificant.
But I am realizing that life and love is made rich by the ordinary and seemingly insignificant. A few years ago a popular book came out about not sweating the small stuff- there is a lot of truth in that idea. But I can't help but realize how important the small things really are also. They shouldn't be overlooked.
In light of AJ going on to be with the Lord I am seeing that some of my most precious and vivid memories are the small simple ordinary things that we shared together. Like eating a bowl of Apple Jacks together on the porch. We were not having a profound conversation, we didn't know it would be one of our last meals together. We were just being ourselves and enjoying life together.
It was the short and simple phone calls that AJ made to me that I remember the most. The 30 second 'I'm really busy but wanted you to know I love you' calls; the ear to ear grin that cared not of what the other commuters thought as he emphatically waved good bye to me as I drove away from dropping him off at the bus stop in the morning; it is the simple kiss on the cheek when I picked him up in the evenings from the bus. The little things. The 2 words that were very sincere. The short note or emails. The simple things in life that really now mean so much.
I think I am realizing the importance of not overlooking the ordinary small things in life. It is these things that make our lives rich and without them would leave us lacking. They are often taken for granted- I know I did and have. Boy what I would do to relish in them now. To soak it up and not miss one opportunity to express grace, gratitude, thanks and love.
I know it is never too late to start appreciating all the things around us. I want to be one who lives fully. I can do that by enjoying the small joys and graces that God allows me to experience.
Butterflies.
I go on a morning walk with Eli nearly everyday. Lately we have been going to the Cross Seminole Trail for our walks. This is a beautiful trail near our home. The past few weeks that we have been walking there has been an unusually increased amount of butterflies on the trail and in the bushes and near the flowers. They are so beautiful. They are all vibrant and vivacious. So full of life and color.
I love watching them flutter along carelessly about. I look at them and give thanks to God for his small expressions of grace. I see in the butterflies small provisions of grace from the Lover of my soul. Watching the eccentric energies of beauty fills my heart with joy and life. I see them as an image and reflection of God's amazing workmanship. I see how God is good and faithful- how He has clothes these small seemingly insignificant animals with such great splendor and beauty simply because He can, He is good, and He is God.
I see in the image of the small butterfly how God has made me with great care and splendor as well simply because He can, He is good, and He is God. I know He loves me and will provide all that I need just as He has been faithful to provide all that the simple helpless butterfly needs.
I can even see how God's love and grace is unconditional and freely given in the wings of the these beautiful creatures. The butterfly doesn't worry about what it needs for tomorrow because it trusts that God will supply whatever that is. The butterfly does not have to strive to convince God to provide for it- there is a faith and understanding that God is in control. It realizes that it is ridiculous to strive and is in touch with how helpless and insignificant in truly is. After all- how big is a butterflies brain- probably about the size of a push pin top. I don't know- I am not a scientist.
So maybe I am reading too much into what the relationship is between God and the butterflies. But to me this is a powerful image of how I can live by faith and cease striving to win God's approval. Christ already won it for me. There is nothing I can do to add to that or take it away. God knows what I need for today and His grace is sufficient. God knows what I need tomorrow and has asked me to cast my cares upon Him because He cares for me. His love and grace is unconditional and freely given. He is in perfect control.
Matthew 6:30&33, "And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you? You have so little faith! Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern."
Matthew 10: 29-30, "Not even a sparrow, worth only half a penny, can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to him than a whole flock of sparrows."
posted by Kellie # 3:10 PM
