The Father's Love
Last weekend I visited some friends in Jacksonville. There was a baby shower planned for Friday night. Part of me was nervous about going because it is always hard to see my friends with their seemingly perfect lives- husbands, babies and homes. I know we all have problems and I am not trying to sugar coat my friends lives. But it is always a reminder to me when I am with my friends of the things I long for and do not have anymore.
I pray about this a lot. I do not want to resent any of my friends. I am happy for them and thankful that they are all so blessed. It is hard because I used to be blessed with these wonderful things in life too. I am blessed in many ways- I realize this. I am trying to be content with what I have; with what God has given me. He is good and He holds the things that I think I want and instead gives me the things I really need.
It is always the most difficult for me to see the fathers with their children. Most of my friends had sons so it is just so real to see daddies with their boys. All of them were good friends with AJ and acted very similar to him. When I see them with their boys it reminds me of how AJ was with Eli. It also makes me long for Eli to have that kind of interaction. To have a father who loves him and makes him laugh and who wants the best for him. A man who can lead Eli and train him up to be a man after God's own heart.
God surprised me during all of these emotions as I was with my friends. He wouldn't let me feel sorry for myself. Instead everywhere I looked I saw blessings. I saw how God was so faithful to me to provide for me and love me and care for me and Eli. I was so thankful to have such a wonderful community of friends that really cares for Eli and me. I was filled with the joy of the Lord- a true and genuine joy.
My friends encouraged me and refreshed me. We sat together and watched a video I had made of Eli's 1st year. During the part with AJ and Eli you could hear a pin drop because everyone was listening and watching so intently. We all sat there and cried together and missed AJ together. This was good for us to do. I saw how God even used me in that to minister to them as they are trying themselves to grieve for AJ. God was very real that night and He was doing a beautiful work. I am so thankful and blessed.
Driving home from Jacksonville the work God was doing in my heart continued. I cried a lot as I was driving. Part of me was so sad and was grieving so hard- for myself and then for Eli and then for Barb and Carl. Then my tears turned into tears of joy. I was so overwhelmed with the Love God was showing me. He was so real. I could practically feel His arms enveloping me. I was speechless. All I could do was stay in His presence and cry. I felt like Mary who washed Jesus' feet with her tears.
His love was quieting me. Every word in Zephaniah 3:17 is so real and true about God and what He was doing for me in that moment. The verse says, "The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."
I knew He was with me. He is always with me- but sometimes more than others I realize He is with me and I have more faith to believe that He is with me. But really- He is always with me and I should always realize this and live a bold life knowing the Lord my God is with me and He is mighty to save.
He is mighty to save! He has what it takes; He knows what it takes to save and He is faithful. He will do it. He is doing it now. He has begun a good work in me and I know He is faithful to finish it as it says in Philippians 1:6, "Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
I'm realizing more and more that God really does take great delight in me. He takes great delight in all of us because He loves us and we are His children. His love for me is so overwhelming that it takes my words away and it takes the concerns and anxieties of my heart away. His love quiets me. Because of His love I am speechless before Him. His love gives me peace and comfort so again it quiets me because it is sufficient for me. With His love I do not even need anything more- there is nothing to ask Him for. His love is enough. His love quiets me.
He loves me so much that He rejoices over me with singing. I know when I am really happy a song is the only way to best express that joy. God delights in me and when He looks at me. He rejoices over me with singing. He has special songs that are just for me. How intimate is His love! How sufficient and wonderful!
He rejoices over you with singing too- He loves you so much that at the thought of you He burst into song because He is so proud of you. You are His precious child. He loves you. He delights in you. He rejoices over you because He is so proud of you.
God is so good. These past few weeks have been so encouraging and refreshing for me. God has been giving me ears to hear and heart to understand His love and His perspective. I will continue to walk with my eyes firmly fixed on Him or I won't walk at all. Apart from Him I can do nothing. Apart from Him there is no life or true joy or peace. I am content with my life and the things I have and do not have. God is showing me just how very sufficient He is. He is proving to me that He really is more than enough for me. I have joy unspeakable and a peace that passes all understanding.
I am so thankful to everyone who is praying for me. I know that a lot of people are standing with me in this. I can not walk this road alone. I am grateful for each and every person God has brought into my life and loved me through and given me grace and hope through. I pray rich blessings on each and every one of you. All of you are teaching more about what real love is. I am so blessed and so humbled and so thankful.
posted by Kellie # 2:08 PM
