Generation Ex
"If we ever doubt the depth of God's longing for us, we need only to consider that the blood His Son shed is the crimson love that made our adoption possible. God in three persons provides the supportive family we idealize. God, our Father and Creator, walks before us. All that we will experience is already known toHim. Jesus, our Savior and Friend, walks beside us. He is our constant companion. The Holy Spirit, our Comforter and Encourager, walks behind us. He intercedes on our behalf. All around us are our siblings, our brothers and sisters in the family of God, sharing in both our sorrows and successes." ~Jen Abbas, Generation Ex, page 195.
A good friend recommended me to read Generation Ex: Adult Children of Divorce and the Healing of Our Pain. My initial reaction was that the timing was all off for me to be reading a book about my parents divorce. But I felt very compelled and drawn to reading it. Through out the process of going from the front cover to the back cover I realized why that was the book I needed to be reading right now. It was an amazing book. It touched on so many points I am dealing with currently.
My dad came to AJ and I the day we got home from our honeymoon and told us that he and mom were separating- again. They had done this many times before- but he said this was the last time; that it was a final separation. In the months that followed they went their separate ways and the divorce became finalized. So here I was a newly wed, an adult and facing the divorce of my parents.
There were all kinds of emotions that I stifled in those days. At the time I was focusing on my own marriage and the excitement of our honeymoon phase of love. I did not want to acknowledge these other feelings. Now today, my emotions are so raw, everything is at the surface- including this. I want to be completely healed, completely free and completely whole. I know this is what God wants for me too.
This book explained a lot of things for me- like why I react in certain ways, why I am scared of certain things and why I have some of the tendancies that I do with other people. It was a very helpful book.
It also was very helpful for me in regards to grieving over AJ. It talked a lot about grief. It talked about grieving over the loss of a family and the loss of a home. I have lost both twice now. I lost my childhood home and family and now the home and family AJ and I established. Including that, I realized that these emotions and questions are things Eli will probably have some day. Now I am more equipped to handle those times with him as well. It was hopeful and encouraging.
The book reiterated the power of Christ and His redemption. It made evident that we are a part of the Family of God and that we do belong somewhere. It reaffirmed that we should derive our identities from Christ. That we should base our wholeness and our acceptance on what He says about us.
As I was reading the Word yesterday God kept showing me that He loves me and you with a fierce love and an unquenchable passion. This was parituclarly evident in Zechariah 8:2, "This is what the Lord Almighty says: My love for Mount Zion is passionate and strong; I am consumed with passion for Jerusalem!"
Now this time re-read that verse and replace it with your own name. For me it would read- "This is what the Lord Almighty says: My love for Kellie is passionate and strong; I am consumed with passion for Kellie." This statement would be true for all of God's children- if it is true for a nation then it is true for His child and if it is true for me then it is true for you as well.
As I have feelings of doubt and discouragement- which is usually a daily occurrence- I can fall back on this word. God is faithful. I feel like Hannah does in her prayer of praise in 1 Samuel 2:2, "No one is holy like the Lord! There is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God."
I desire an unshakable faith. That is a process and not something that can happen overnight. For now my faith is shaken and will continue to be. But as long as I keep coming back to God and take every thought captive to His word my faith will become stronger. I am being transformed by the renewing of my mind. The way my mind is renewed is by washing it and filling it with God's word.
I will be whole and I will have a faith that can't be shaken. It might not be until I am joined with my Father in heaven- but it will happen. Even though I can only see a dim light today, tomorrow it will be a little brighter and I will recognize it a little better if I am faithful today to draw near to it.
I will close with this word of encouragement from the great Encourager himself:
Zechariah 8:6-8, "This is what the Lord Almighty says: All this may seem impossible to you now, a small discouraged remnant of God's people. But do you think this is impossible for me, the Lord Almighty? This is what the Lord Almighty says: You can be sure that I will rescue my people from the east and from the west. I will bring them home again to live safely in Jerusalem. They will be my people, and I will be faithful and just toward them as their God."
We are His people and we all have a home and a place of belonging. I need to know this- I need to believe this and I need it to be true. He has promised to each and every one of us here that He will be faithful and just toward us as our God. That sure puts fire, drive and motive in me to continue on even though I am discouraged. It sure keeps me believing and walking through all things- good/bad, happy/sad- everyday and in everyway.
posted by Kellie # 11:02 AM
