7 months old
Eli is 7 months old today. That might not sound like it is a big deal to you. But for me that is a very big deal and a very relevant milestone in his life.
You see today Eli has reached a significant point in his life. He has now lived as many days with out his daddy here on earth as he lived sharing life with his father. It is odd to think he has grown this much and AJ has missed it all. It is so sad. There are so many things he has done that I so wish I could have shared with AJ.
Tomorrow marks another step for Eli. He will now begin to live his life where the fraction of the time he spent with his dad is smaller and smaller in comparison to how long he has been living with out him. I don't know how I will ever explain this to Eli- that he did have a dad. That his dad thought the world of him and loved him so much. That his dad never ever wanted to leave him and that none of this was his fault.
This is where I have to trust God to do a mighty healing in Eli's heart. Eli will know the love of his real earthly father. I will try my best to teach him of that and share AJ's love with him. Eli will know the love of his heavenly father too. But it's odd. I have one father in heaven and yet Eli has two fathers in heaven. I face the daunting task of explaining this to Eli. Hopefully Eli will know the love of an earthly father again some day too. I do want this for him. I wish with all of my heart that it would be AJ- but that can't be anymore.
I am praying for grace handling all these situations. I am praying for grace for Eli as well. For now Eli, happy birthday. We will make the best of these hard days. We will get through them together. Both of your fathers in heaven are proud of you. They love you and will cheer you on everyday. I love you too Eli and I am trying my best to be your mommy and your daddy.
posted by Kellie # 4:23 PM
