New Bodies
"So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.
This is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For we know that when this earthy tent we live in is taken down- when we die and leave these bodies- we will have a home in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not human hands. We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long for the day when we will put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. For we will not be spirits without bodies, but we will put on new heavenly bodies. Our dying bodies make us groan and sigh, But it's not that we want to die and have no bodies at all. We want to slip into our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by everlasting life. God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his holy spirit."
2 Corinthians 4:17-18, 5: 1-5
That is amazing to realize that AJ has his new body now. It is so odd for me to realize this. It is so unfathomable to my mind. I can't even imagine what his new body is like. I am sure it is wonderful and marvelous and glorious- WOW! He is perfect now,(he was pretty close though while he was here on earth!)
I miss him. As we get further and further away from the accident one might think that the days are getting easier. They are not. As more time goes on I only miss him more- his smell, his voice, his face.
Also with the time that passes are the changes in Eli. Eli is changing so much and so fast and it breaks my heart that AJ can't see him. He'd be so proud to know that Eli can roll over and stand on his own at the coffee table and eat with a spoon. I know he must see these things somehow I hope. I just wish Eli had a daddy still.
As you probably know by now Pete (AJ's brother) and Sara Buffington had their baby last wednesday. I knew going into it as her due date was approaching that it was going be to be a hard day. It was even harder than I expected. I cried a lot that day.
I cried for many reasons. I cried because I wished I could have shared the news and joy with AJ. I cried because I knew how much AJ had prayed for Pete and Sara to get pregnant and how excited he was when he knew that they finally were. I cried because I know Pete and Sara would have been so proud to show their baby girl off to AJ. I cried because hearing the excitment in Pete's voice over being a dad reminded me of how proud AJ was to be a dad.
I really did want to be happy for Pete and Sara, but there wasn't much happy left in me. It was too hard, I was too sad.
I had to come away with my Creator, it was all I could do to get through the day. I went to the piano and just played and worshiped God. And in His faithfulness He was again so good and He met me right there. I got my perspective back on Him and I let Him love on me as I loved on Him.
After worshiping God I felt relieved. I had that peace that passes understanding that is talked about in the scriptures. There is so much power in simply loving on God.
I sometimes feel selfish because I feel like I leave worshiping God so blessed and with so much more than I came to Him with. I leave with peace and joy unspeakable. It seems selfish because I am really there to bless Him and give Him myself and my love, but instead He lavishly pours out His grace on me.
He is such a good God. I am so thankful that He is the living God and that I can have a living real relationship with Him. He is the only way I can and am getting through this. I am even doing more than just scraping by. I am laughing, expressing real smiles, and filled with hope for tomorrow. Through my tears I can still see the light. That is a blessing. I am thankful God has taken the time to hold me and comfort me. He is truly the comforter of my soul.
posted by Kellie # 3:18 PM
