Happy Anniversary
Today would have been AJ and I's 2nd wedding anniversary.
I woke up this morning and thought about how I felt when I woke up two years ago. I was so excited I could hardly bare it! I remember that I just wanted to get to the part where I could see AJ and be with him. We had decided to meet before the service in the church. I was so anxious for it to be that time.
I will never forget how I felt then- A stark contrast to my tear striped face that I now have and my ripped apart heart.
I remember I was at the end of the isle in the church all dressed up with my back to the door. I heard the doors open and knew it was AJ. As he walked down the isle to meet me my heart kept beating faster and faster. I said to myself, "just breathe Kellie". I will never forget the look on his face. It was a look of complete adoration.
The next moment we embraced and then cried together and said how excited we were that our day was finally here. Now today, it breaks my heart that December 22 is here. This is really hard for my to write this but I want to get it out.
Finally we prayed together for our future. AJ prayed for us and shared vision for us and asked God to give him the wisdom that he needed to love me in the way I needed him to love me. I asked God for the same wisdom every day from then on. After our special time in the church it was time to take pictures and start all the wedding events. What a wonderful day. One of the best days of my life.
I thought this morning that if someone had said to me that day that I would be celebrating our 2nd wedding anniversary as widow I would have thought they were crazy. But another thought then occurred to me. If they had told me that news and then asked me if I still wanted to go through with everything and marry AJ anyway, even if I knew how much pain his death would cause me to have, I still would have married AJ and been just as excited to be his wife.
The past nearly 2 years we got to share together as husband and wife were so precious. I wouldn't trade them for anything! It was such a priviledge to be his wife. I am so thankful he chose me, I am so thankful God chose me for him. Those 2 years were so wonderful, they were worth it for me to have the pain of his loss.
I know this is so cliche' but it is true. "Better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all."
I had such a mindset before all this happened that we were invincible and untouchable. I felt as though we would be together for ever and grow old together. AJ and I used to love to talk about what we thought we'd look like when we were old. We'd then say that we'd love each other no matter how we looked or how big our ears got, then we'd laugh.
Now, it is really hard for me to see old men who look like I imagined AJ to look like. Every time I see them I start to cry. There is one man in particular at Carl's church who I see every Sunday, and every Sunday he makes me cry. I just wish AJ would have been able to grow old like him.
Now that AJ is gone I realize how much of a priviliedge it is that I was aloud to share life with him. I realized I wasn't entitled to one second with him. Even that was a gift. Treasure the people you love and share life with. It is a priviledge and one that should not be taken for granted. I am thankful that I can say that I have absolutely no regrets with AJ. I don't wish I would have done or said one thing differently.
So, in closing, I am back to my memory of AJ and I's wedding day. I realized this morning that I will get to have this experience again. I thought the first time was glorious but the second time will be even more spectacular, only reversed.
AJ is at the end of the isle waiting for me and so excited to see me and see the look on my face when I get to heaven. Wow, it is overwhelming to even think or write about it. I can almost picture him there waiting for me just as I was waiting for him. Our reunion will be so awesome. This time when we are joined nothing will ever separate us, nothing in all of heaven or all of earth for eternity.
What happened on December 22nd, 2002 was just a preview of the real union we will share and a union that God will share with his church. You are his bride, you are his church. Adorn yourself and prepare yourself for him. Just as I was waiting for AJ, he is waiting for you , to welcome you and embrace you as you walk down the isle to him. What joy we will have when our day is finally here.
posted by Kellie # 11:46 AM
