Christmas Present
Eli and I are making it today. Christmas is a nice distraction for me. I love buying gifts for other people, I think it is fun. Lately that is how I have been spending my time.
The reality of everything going on hasn't seemed very real to me over these past few days. One thing you can be praying about is that I grieve in a healthy way. I really don't want to live in denial of the events that have happened. At the same time I know that God has grace available for me but it is my decision to choose to accept it or not. People can pray for me till they are blue in the face but I must choose to receive it or not. God can do his part, but I must do my part as well.
But I don't know if it is just denial that is getting me through or simply God's grace- or maybe both. All I know is that I do want to walk through this. I don't want to wake up in 5 years with this reality hitting me and be really screwed up for not dealing with it now. Does that make sense? That is a thing you can be praying for if you get a chance.
I feel like I am thinking and living with sobriety. I don't feel like I am being too idealistic about the whole situation. I just don't want Satan to have any ground with me or Eli- He can't win. He is trying hard but he can't and won't win me or Eli. He put the blow where it would hurt the most but I know God will provide all that we need to get through this. Thank you for your prayers- God is certainly moving through them.
I am now facing each day as if it were a battle. The meaning of putting on the armor of God is now a matter of life and death for me. It is now a survival skill. I must take every thought captive too. But you know, this is probably how I should be living anyway- not just because my husband has been stolen from me and this world, but because this is what God comands of us through scripture. We all should be living this way.
There is a constant battle going on around us. We should be fighting. In our American culture we are so lackadaisical. We are comfortable with our leather car seats, our limitless credit cards, and our never ending refrigerators. But the battle being waged just beyond our eyesight is very real and very worth our efforts and attention. Get out and fight- do something- if anything, don't let Satan have any victory in your own life. Take back any ground you might have given him. Take every thought captive to the cross and throne of Christ.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let s strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us." (Hebrews 12:1 NLV).
That cloud of witness is cheering us on, they know what is at stake, they see the battle. I believe AJ is now part of that cloud of witnesses- of those that have fought the fight and run the race and gone before us to be with our Father in Heaven. Be encouraged and be enraged. Get out and live, get out and fight for the Kingdom of God is very near and the Kingdom of God is forcefully advancing. We have a role to play in the advancement of the kingdom. We are mere breath of life and spec in eternity- make your life's breath blow hard and your life's spec shine bright as a diamond. LIVE!
I leave you with the MESSAGE's version of the Hebrews 12:1:
"Do you see what this means- all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running- and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed- that exhilarating finish in and with God- he could put up with anything along the way: cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right along side God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into our soul!"
posted by Kellie # 10:01 AM
