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Thursday, November 18, 2004

Growth Charts and Loofas

Eli had his 4 month well-baby check up today. He is growing so fast. He had lost 2 lbs during his hospital stay because he was unable to eat for a few days. At his weigh in today he had gained all the weight he had lost plus an additional 4 ounces- what a big guy! He is in the 55% for his weight and the 95% for his length compared to other boys his same age. He is long and lean just like his daddy.

I miss his daddy more than he could know. I look at pictures of him and I reminisce of memories that we have shared- all good and most funny. They make me laugh, he was so good at making me laugh. I remember one morning when we were living up in DC and AJ got up before the rooster (aka- 5:15 am). He was taking a shower and I was still in bed trying to catch a few more zzz's. Then all of the sudden I am awakened to the sound of him singing in a silly voice. This is what he was singing:

"I am washing my body with Kellie's loofa!!! Getting all clean and shiny with Kellie's loofa!!! I love scrubbing my body with Kellie's loofa!!!"

It was so funny. I think the funniest part was that before that morning he had never used my loofa. He always just used a wash cloth. To those of you who do not know what a loofa is, it is a big puffy sponge. The other reason it was funny was that AJ didn't ever sing in the shower. Also, it was so early in the morning and anyone who knows AJ knows he is not a morning person.

I could write silly AJ stories forever, there are so many. So many wonderful happy memories.

I know I come across in these blogs as having it all together and it all figured out. Let me just tell you- that I am so far from having all the answers, I am just trying to hold on and keep on walking as best as I can. I have never been so desperate in my life. I am so distraught and so broken. God's grace is overwhelming and abundant and thankfully sufficient. With out him I know I wouldn't have made it even this far.

I remember I used to tell AJ that I could never live with out him and that I was created to be his wife. Both of those statements were true. But now I face the undaunting task of learning how to live with out him. The even greater task will be raising our son alone, with out AJ. AJ was so wise and such a visionary and leader. He was such a great example of a Godly husband and father fulfilling all the roles that are described in scripture for a man of God to fulfill. I loved him so much. I miss him greatly.


Comments:
You will never be alone Kellie!
 
You guys seemed so in love and again this makes me look at my wife after 10 years of marrige and I reavaluate where we are and who we are. Wow! Life IS short and I don't have near the faith you have in our God or have spent the alone time you need to spend in order to have that kind of relationship. Through your tragedy God is working his way in to so many lives for the better. Eli is blessed to have a mother like you.
 
I love you so much Kellie.

~Adina
 
Kellie, I'm so glad to see Eli growing healthy and strong. He is truly fortunate to have such a LOVING mommy as yourself. Take care of yourelf and Eli. God Bless both of you.

Ana, Ivan, & William Apfel
 
My name is Brandon Bruce and AJ and I were accountability partners when he lived in DC. I'll add one of my favorite funny AJ memories also...

Before we really got to know AJ & Kellie, we invited them over to our house along with another young couple so we could all get to know each other. As I was showing the 4 of them around our home, we walked past our wedding pictures. As we did, I made some kind of comment about how maybe the girls could look through the pictures, while us "men" went to do something else. Then AJ and the other guy both spoke up and said how they actually really liked photography and wanted to look at the pictures. I came to find out later that AJ is an amazing photographer and had his work haning all over their house.
 
Dear Kellie:

Many women and men never know what a truly Christian husband/wife relationship is...so, Kellie, even though it was brief and each day without AJ is bittersweet, just know that God will be faithful to you in his absence, and that quality of relationship is what matters. "My God will supply your every need"...is the thing to remember. He will place people in your path to minister to you and lift you up and only He can heal and fill the void left by AJ's absence. AJ loves you from Heaven still--love doesn't die because the spirit lives on, and Jesus is interceding for you with God right now from the throne of Heaven. I haven't lost my husband, but I have buried three of my four children (killed in a head-on collision with a drunk driver on the wrong side of the highway), and I have drunk deeply from the cup of sorrow. God is ever faithful and He will restore you one day, Kellie,--ten fold! It is his promise and mine.

Forever In Christ,
Anonymous Friend of your friend Katie
 
Dear Kellie,

Thank you for continuing to share your heart. Our youngest son, Sam, who is 17 and away at school in Philadelphia, faithfully checks this site. It has brought him the greatest comfort in dealing with the loss of AJ. He has repeatedly asked me whether I have checked it yet and today, I finally have; and I am comforted as well. I had been afraid to read, for fear it would create more pain, but indeed, it is a healing balm. Thank you for living your faith and your grief out loud. It is healing others, as well as yourself. We are all stronger for it.

We are also thanking God, daily, for His continued physical healing of both you and Eli. Our prayers remain with you and Eli and, of course, all the Buffs, and your parents and sister, as well.

With His unfailing love,
Cindi Sholander
P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR ONE! PLEASE DON'T NEGLECT YOURSELF AND PLEASE ALLOW OTHERS TO CELEBRATE YOU!
 
When I went through a hard time, ans was hurting, this is what the Lord spoke to me...

"...indeed my child, I will heal you. Humble yourself at my feet, I will carry you from valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy."
 
Happy Birthday!!!! I hope all is well with yourself and Eli. Can we see an updated picture of little Eli?
 
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